she sms him again....

yeah, he deleted anything that's related to her. Think he's scared that I might see and "fat din". Poor him. I know it's hard for him ga la,takes lot of effort to "hide". But hey, do Man and Wife (wierd) think it's ok for me to ask him why he still replies? would they anger him?

How about thinking it this way.
 
 He deleted everything because he loves you. Knew you would be upset. And not that he is scared.
 
 And honestly, you can't be 100% sure he did reply to her sms, right?

wife: yes, I think sometimes when I think of something, I will black face...he will know I am thinking silly. He will then come over and kiss me on the forehead and tell me :ng ho din la. (dont' be silly). I love him very very very much... loved him for 6yrs...still very very much in love with him..u know, loving more n more each day..but trust level is zero. that's why it's so painful.

as a friend, why cannot reply sms/calls? so simple, problem is you think too much je. *I think both men will answer u like this.
 when you question urself you do correct or not, try to stop quarrel, step back and think again. it will give u another point of view.
 For me, I will not question my another half her past coz it's past. If challenger appears, I will do my part well and let her know i love/care her. If she left finally, I think we have not fate, cannot work out. Nothing is a must in life, we do the right things without regret is ok.

Me and my boyfriend nowadays tell everything. He will tell me if his ex has contacted him, if any other women have contacted him and about what.
 
 He told me because he wants to give me a peace of mind. If I think silly, every time he tells me about the contact by someone, I would be very unhappy. But I am not. Because I know he loves me a lot. Of course, I won't know anything if he doesn't tell.
 
 Some people will feel better knowing more. Some don't, I guess you are those who fall into the category of "DON'T ".

passby: I used to have a lot of male friends...actually 95% of my friends are guy friends. After being with him, I know he would be jealous if a guy calls me. I now stay away from my male friends, and would only meet them up if my husband comes along...I want to make him feel confident and secure.

你好死火架咁樣~
 你要知道男人好怕女人太擬心
 而佢又送咁多禮物及時閒俾你,你爭取享受大家的新婚啦！！新婚係好sweet 嘅！唔好忘記一早大家係識嘅,即使她有幾吸引,但最後選擇是妳！這是真的！
 
 好吧！你明天所吃的,也不為此賤人所挫外吸收,你亦從此因妳的自信及丈夫的愛護而健康！
 
 沒有甚麼比你跟丈夫相愛和一起同甘共苦,來得真實富有！

wife: I think I fall into the category of " Don't feel better knowing more, but would still like to know coz I dont' want to be fooled. I hate ignorance.

that is the thing about it ... bend over heels to please the other half ... just be yourself and have the other half accept what you are and what you have/had; if he doesn't, then he's not the one. this applies to you as well the other way round
 as i said, just be good to your own self ... learn to love yourself first before loving the other ... at the end of the day, you only hv yourself to rely on, not anyone else.

祝願你一坆安好
 好好的渡過生日！
 
 祝各人生日快樂,幸福美滿！
 
 好夢ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

don't ask anything about this case la. it makes him feel you don't trust him. Be smart. Just think that woman as a male friend from u, how u handle if he keep calling u or send u sms? how to explain to ur husband? hahaha... women alway only think in one way, cannot reverse.

i go to bed la... i will bookmark this thread. keep contact la... goodnite.

Most of the time females will stop contacting her male friends just not to make her other half jealous. However most men will not stop their contact with female friends thinking why should they when there is nothing going on.
 
 This is the difference.

this is very true, just need to accept the fact (the difference)

would still like to know coz I dont' want to be fooled. I hate ignorance. <------ Being a fool and stupid at the right time sometimes is good. A lot of the time the less you know the happier you are.
 
 But, yes, I can understand how you feel cos I am actually the same type of person as you. Want to know more though knowing that by knowing more might give me heartache.
 
 Woman, typical clever woman. Hahahaha!

mabelle,
 
 好坦白講, 我個人認為你老公, 在05年當時, 已經和那女人有性關係, 我唔明白你點解仲要相信你老公和那女人只係<玩>傾sexy野, 照估計, 他們實在已經有性關係了, 別怪我坦白, 但大家都是成年人!
 
 你老公, 知道那女人是殘花敗柳, 把她玩完便回到你身邊, 說到底你是好女人, 你老公是聰明人, 當然會回到你身邊, 而把那女的當做後備, 需要時拿她來玩玩, 問題是, 你願意要一個這樣的老公嗎?
 
 你愛他, 已經是不爭的事實, 而他真心愛你嗎?
 
 他真心愛你, 當初就不會貪便宜玩一個不用他上身, 不用他付錢的女人來傷害你吧!
 
 好, 算他不小心給人勾引, 你原諒他, 但問題是他沒有覺得自己做錯過, 玩了女人當沒有玩過, 是呃你, 營造出一個是你自己想不開的假局.
 
 由頭到尾這兩年間, 你一個人痛苦, 你查到佢有古怪留言, 居然會怕佢嬲, 老實講, 如果佢光明正大怕咩比你check?
 
 他明知這件事令你傷心, 他還是偷偷reply那女人, 做甚麼?
 
 你認為他沒有古怪嗎?
 
 女人的直覺很準的, 你不要再傷害自己了!
 
 太怕事的女人會給男人食住上, 你沒有做錯事, 做錯事的是他, 我知道你是很愛他, 但很愛他不等於要給他傷害!
 
 唉! 真替你擔心!

Mabelle, you situation was exactly the same as my friend. Only thing is, my friend left her ex while you married your bf finally. IMHO, once you checked, the real relationship ends. Do you think he still trusts you?
 
 Re the girl, don't bother. this is also same as my friend's situation. She pretends 大方 but never felt happy being a friend of "that girl". We are not "ms friendship". If you feel uncomfortable, just stay back from her.
 
 Cheers.

Have been busy going here and there to visit family and friends in the weekend, sorry for late reply.
 
 wife: I think I am clever in regards to work, but dealing with my husband, I think he knows what I am capable of, so he is careful too. The more you check, the more stuff you know. I feel safer that way, eventhough it makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes

iam_aman : I have a guy friend who always sms/email/msn me, but I know my husband feels very jealous whenever my friend does that. Reason is this guy friend likes me. I know it, and I want to stay away from trouble, but I also dont' want to lose a friend who I can talk to. So what I do is to reply his email once every 3 months? I wont' call him, and when he calls, I'd say i'm working on something, not a good time to talk. U know, "bei geh" d.

第一者: At the very first point, I believe in what I think. I believe that they have sex, and that my husband did felt for her for a while. Meaning, my husband cared for her and felt painful to see that she's so depressed and suicidal. How it became sexual I don't know...but I do 100% believe that they did have sex during his visit in HK.

How it started , how things turned so ugly I will never understand. Human psyche is so complicated...maybe even if I ask him now, he wouldn't know either. Coz me n him were in 2 diff places? coz this girl is more sexy / open. Coz I am "stronger" and this girl is "weaker"? i will never know. But you are right, up till this moment, he still claims that I am "wut" him for the whole thing, that the whole thing was a joke , that's it.. 營造出一個是你自己想不開的假局. <-- you speak my mind.

由頭到尾這兩年間, 你一個人痛苦, 你查到佢有古怪留言, 居然會怕佢嬲, 老實講, 如果佢光明正大怕咩比你check? <-- the questions you said in your message...I asked myself already. If you ask me why I still married him, the answer will be the same as to what I replied to WIFE. I love him, and I'd regret it a lot if I gave up on us because of this lady. A lady who will never be his wife, a lady who will never be "good enough" to be a girlfriend... a lady who passes by and doesn't love my husband...she is just a woman who likes to sometimes tread by and give my husband a wink...Why should I not marry the person I love and need the most because of her?

太怕事的女人會給男人食住上, 你沒有做錯事, 做錯事的是他, 我知道你是很愛他, 但很愛他不等於要給他傷害!
 
 唉! 真替你擔心!
 <-- u know? I only told my very best friend about this... didn't ever tell other people, so whenever I feel painful, I bear it by myself... I didn't want to tell my best friend every time I found a sms or a call register...coz I don't want her to worry about me. I worry about myself sometimes, that's why I just changed my job to a higher pay job, will also start to buy fund and stuff...so if anything happens in the future, I will be able to take care of myself. He hurt me once big time, I know I still haven't recovered. BUT I also don't want to mess him up with my temper/pain coz I feel that he has improved in lots of ways...

That lady called him on Chor 1, he didn't take the call and she left a phone message. He told me about it, and I asked him if he called her back, he said no. He did text her coz I intercepted her reply saying she just want to see how he's doing. I said to him that it'll be ok for him to call her in front of me to see how she's doing, and he replied me : huh? call her when I'm free la. Why r u so eager to make me call her? She's my friend n I'm not "gun jeung". She's not ur friend and you're so "gung jeung". I don't know what he thinks. Man, what do u think?

Sonia: I am no Miss Friendship. Actually I'm very picky with friends. I dont' need those wine/dine/meat friends, as I am very busy at work, + my husbands' (now my) business + housework + a million other stuff. (all wives know) so I think after a while, hatred + time restraints ended this "friendship". (me and that girl) Nowadays we don't msn anymore, the only time she msn me was to say that she never saw my husband on msn anymore, asked me how come. I said well, his companys' msn doesn't always work. Real reason is I made him put her name in invisible, then I also made him delete her contact off the list. That's why she never saw him on line ever again. Honestly, I won't mind asking her out to dinner when we give her the wedding photos. Wierd, we never had dinner/drinks together. The only time we see each other is during karaoke or someones' birthday. SO it'll be good if we could meet, and I'll let her know what and who I really am. I'm no weak girl, and i want her to know that. What do you guys/girls think?

mabelle,
 
 huh? call her when I'm free la.
 即係話, 當佢自己一個人, 你不在場的時候才call那女人!
 
 Why r u so eager to make me call her?
 佢咁樣講即係大你, 佢明知你知道佢同這個女人有染! 仲問呢個問題算咩?佢夠膽咁講, 係因為知道你實答不上一句話, 因為佢知道你緊佢!
 
 She's my friend n I'm not "gun jeung". She's not ur friend and you're so "gung jeung".
 你地已經名正言順咁結左婚, 點解要分你的朋友或者佢的朋友?掉返轉頭有個男人call你, 佢問你做咩唔call back, 你會唔會咁答佢?
 
 我相信你係一個好堅強的女人, 好有修養, 好有愛佢, 但我始終都係果一句, 你堅強, 好修養, 好愛佢, 唔等於要比佢傷害!
 
 你對他這樣好, ----> BUT I also don't want to mess him up with my temper/pain coz I feel that he has improved in lots of ways...
 對他萬千容忍, 倒頭來得到的是傷害, 值得嗎?
 
 你對他好, 我相信他知道的, 但問題是, 他用了一個逢旨的心態, 他以為你逢旨要對他好! 他跟本不會珍惜! 請你記著, 你不是他亞媽!
 
 樹欲靜而風不息子欲養而親不在
 
 好可惜, 大多數人念親恩的時候, 多數都是無可挽救的時候!
 
 當有一日, 你唔愛他的時候, 真真正正唔再理佢的時候, 佢就會學周星馳做果個孫悟空咁講--->曾經有一份至真o既愛情擺o係我面前，但係我冇去珍惜，到冇左o既時候先至後悔莫及，塵世間最痛苦莫過於此。
 
 你一係就扮到唔再愛佢, 對佢愛理不理, 唔好再對佢咁好, 正所謂破釜沈舟, 但要承受真係可能試出佢對你的愛不太深, 當佢見你唔再鍚住佢, 就走人, 但講真, 如果一個唔係真心愛你的男人, 今日留得住, 聽日都唔包保留得住啦!
 
 至於你同WIFE的<隻眼開隻眼閉, 無眼屎乾淨盲>, 我就一D都唔認同囉!
 
 就正如佢係馬路邊周街篤魚蛋, 你明知果D野沙鹿滾滾. 食得多會壞腸胃, 你真係當睇唔到唔理佢? 如果真心愛佢, 都想佢好, 又點捨得尤得佢, 唔通真係想佢壞腸胃咩, 你點都會提醒下佢叫佢小心D食野, 唔會唔理佢當睇唔到掛!
 
 其實愛情咪一樣, 你既然知道自己係最愛佢的人, 適當的指引, 提醒下佢, 點都好過當睇唔到啦!
 
 至於果個女人, 我個人覺得你駛乜理佢, <牛唔飲水的話!> 只要你管得掂自己隻牛, 你駛乜deal with佢, 你估你好得閒咩!
 
 事實上, 咁呢個世界咁多壞女人, 你點理得咁多, 最根本個問題係你個老公囉!

第一者 : glad you wrote to me. Haha, what u think is the same as me. He just doesn't want to call her in front of me, or part of him just feels wierd why I would ask him to call her when normally I would ask him to stay away from that lady. The reason for me to ask him to call is because lately that ladys' msn personal message shows that she is in trouble again, obviously she went back to her previous reln where she's the 3rd person for 1 yr and the guy dumped her. I don't want her to be "fei" again and then cry and try to commit suicide. Coz if she does that, she will call my husband again and "yau pai farn".

樹欲靜而風不息子欲養而親不在 <-- I was thinking about this during my MTR ride to work today. I thought of my previous bfs..only 1 is still my friend, but who he's with, what he does doesn't bother me at all. To me, he is just a person I know. Couldn't really remember how close we were, what we did. I suppose one day if bad things do happen, it might take me a long time, but I will eventually get to this very same state of mind. "Not my business anymore".

I know I'm not a mum, I'm a wife. When we first got married, I'll do all the housework, now I wait for the maid to do it, or sometimes he'll do it in the morning before he goes to work. To me, he's my teacher, he's my guidance and my husband, without him, there's no me today. I appreciate everything he's done for me, and I try my best to do what I can for him. 適當的指引, 提醒下佢, 點都好過當睇唔到啦! <-- I will do it this way!

As for that lady...sigh, can't do anything less I kill her. haha, but that's definitely not worth it. I'm sure my husband loves me in lots of ways, not sure why he likes her. For her sex appeal? ppl will age...she's 32 this year, already looking much older than last year...For her vulnerable personality? always cry = annoying. (I tried, doesn't work) . haha. So my friends, I wish I could always stay as positive as I am today...just need some courage and support to work on it. I stopped myself from checking his mobile last night, hope I can stop doing it. Not because I want to "close 1 eye", just that I want to try build some trust in me, in him, in us. 第一者 u married yet? I suppose you are a lady as well?

My husband occasionally goes out with his ex and asks me to join. I seldom join them for I really don’t like the weird atmosphere between us 3. I never say a word about it to my husband. I neither ask him not to go out with her even though I don’t really like it from my heart. I even tell him to enjoy every time he goes out with her. She sms my husband quite often, and he replies sometimes. However as time goes by my husband kinda sense that I don’t really like the idea. And now he seldom contact or see her alone. So I think you should trust your husband more. Men like to be trusted, provided he is a good man.

QK : good on your husband! how long did it take for him to realize the fact that you don't like it? I mean he should know u don't like the idea (what woman would?), how long did it take to stop him from doing this behavior?

anyone here? I need to talk.....

mabelle,
 
 唉~~
 其實, 你想點?

mabelle,
 
 I think you are torturing yourself by thinking too much. If I were you, I will either forget about this whole thing, just treat the woman as a distance friend of your hub. Or you directly tell your husband and you would prefer him to have absolutely no contact with this woman. Get him a new mobile number. Yes, troublesome but anyone can lose their phone and need a new number, right?

and if mabelle you want to get your hubby a new phone number, do so as a surprise to both of them. but that helps little if they can email each others.
 
 honestly, he is a terrible husband. if he cares no more about your worries and stress, it's time to prepare for the worst and ultimate consequences.

第一者 u married yet?
 yes
 
 I suppose you are a lady as well?
 yes

I had been in your shoes Mabelle.
 
 In short my story as below:
 2001 I started dating him(Mr. A),
 people think we are perfect match,
 his has good record, a good man and very generous character, and our common friends thot we were a life time engagement.
 
 back in 2000 though A was with his ex at that time, girl -V- seduced him a few times for sex, she likes A a lot, because of his good character, and good look.
 He almost got seduced but finally no sex taken place but were hugging her. He never left his ex for this girl V.
 
 2001 I started dating him, we were a happy-ever-after like. V came along joinned us as regualry meet up friends.
 I felt sth not comfortable but I couldn't do anything.
 
 2003 I moved back to HK, and A was planning to come back too but after he sorted out his personal erra. We were planning to get married. When I came back to HK, I actually met his parents and we were doing the wedding planning.
 
 First month in our Longdistanceship, 1 day I felt sth very uneasy in my mind. I checked his email(we use the same account to do ebay). I saw the email V sent him. She knows that account was not privated from me and she still sent it there. It was about "that night they got caught by the roomate"
 I freaked out and called that "roomate" to find out, then she said yes she saw them hugging on the bed.
 
 I called up the fiancee and broke up with him right the way.
 
 A begged and begged for my forgiveness, I called V to "taan paai" with her too. I told her now A wanna be with me but that's my desicion to be with him or not, however, the fact is you are such a cheapy!
 
 She then pretend to be "Dai Fong" and asked me to forgive him!
 
 Then eventually I forgave my fiancee, he promised me not to contact her no more, he sweared so true, he never sweared like this, because he did not used to blow water.
 
 However, V is very very bin tai. She of course kept calling him, and we were LD-ing, so nothing I could do. I found out again they were having secret calls, but he said just calls, just saying hi, nothing else.
 
 V even called me and msn me wanna be my friend. I told her to Fk OFF, and blocked her msn account, and she opens new one to talk to me, bullshxting that she truely wants me as friend at the very bottom of her heart.
 
 Finally, I broke up with A after 2 years longdistanceship. Our 4 years relationship was totally over.
 
 I felt so betrayed. I know some women are quite freaky they just wanna distroy and enjoy stealing. And men just can't resist this kinda woman, not there fault. But what I want to say is this kinda issue won't be put to an end until you step out of it. Because this is the game of those bitches.

You know when I read your story I felt like V is the same person the bitch in your story.
 
 I tell you her English name starts with V
 Last name starts with A

This kinda woman doesn't deserve a very good ending.
 
 If I know any more cases like that she did to me, I surely will gather all stories and publish her name, GOD DAMN BITC-H, you ain't got a place to go I tell you what, you are abandoned!

Yrelav : na, thelady in my case initial is S.C. Taiwanese now working in HK.
 well, our stories are similar. Just that u ended the whole thing while I am married and still need to deal with it.
 
 Wife: I dont' think it's in my hands anymore. I can't do anything. Forget I can't, ask him to totally not contact her, he can't coz he says she's a friend. So what can I do? Mind torturing... that's why i say do anyone of you recommend going to psychologists or those marraige counsel? does that work?

Funny thing though. I couldnt' sleep at all last night , so i called a guy friend up. (someone who always meets up with me and husband, well in short, someone my husband wont' get jealous about) .
 I told him about the whole thing (whichi didn't before) , he said : 1) it's in the past so let go. 2) he himself would have deleted all the message/call records too to stay away from trouble. (??!!) he said all his guy friends do that. so it's "normal" 3) I should start knowing more guys and let him feel that everything is not "fung gi" anymore. He says my hubby is feeling too safe with me, that no other guys would attract me.
 
 See girls? maybe I just dont know what "man" thinks.

Mabelle,
 I know your situations lot worse then mine because you signed the contract of marriage,
 however, this doesn't affect men's nature or the bitches game.
 I am afraid that you are the only one that keep it go on because you trying to protect the marriage.
 I definitely do not want to see bad things happen and that you need to leave you husband. But in my case, I have really learnt the reality and back at that time I actually could have married him but I decided not to. And blew off the wedding because I know what the reality is. I don't want to feel regret when I married.
 And it was what I predicted.
 Good that I didn't marry him. If I did, I probably need to go thru a divorce now.
 
 Remember when things turn bad, the quicker you leave, the best for you it is.
 
 I know it's hard for you. Think twice.

hi michelle,
 i can understand your feeling, i got a similar case as you now, i was just married for 2months!! i found my husband searching 一樓一 on web and found an address of one of them on his phone; when i asked him, he just gave me excuses that he just search it for fun and the address is not belonged to him, it was given by his colleague who play joke to him. i believe him at first when i see the web, but after i saw the address, i can believe that. or say, i am very very suspicious, i want to know if he really been to there or not. I believe he loves me, but i can't understand why he did so at the moment he still loves me..... i dont know what to do now, i have no evidence to proof he really gone there but i can't stop thinking abt this; he used to say he never been to 一樓一 because he doesn't like to go, i thought he was serious and believe him.....
 siu siu

Siu Siu, visiting a brothel = trade. He pays and get a service, no strings attached. I understand it feels very hurtful, but not "strange" for someone to do that within 2 months of marraige. As you can see from what "aman" said previously, it doesn't really relate to "marraige/how long you've been with the person"...etc, it's just mans' nature somehow, not? and of course how to deal with the situation. Dont' be unhappy, u got no proof...if u open msn mail, u get tons of advs for sexual services etc.So who knows? maybe he opened one of them . As for calling one of the numbers...mn, can't really "dau" for him. Must have called to check out the price wa? but who knows, maybe his guy colleagues/friends talk about this kinda stuff. u know, guys like to brag right?

Yrelav : I tried to leave, but when I took my time to ponder, I believe things will be better and the most important thing is, I know even if I leave him phsycially, I won't be able to leave him mentally. That kind of torture would be greater than now. I don't want to be a coward and turn myself away from what I know clearly that I want. I know my goal, I just need to stay strong and fight for it. As for now, as predicted, things are definitely better, just not 100% as per my perfect scenario. I won't leave this marraige, and he wont' leave me.I just don't want a fly buzzing around my marraige. Even if it' a buzz that happens once a month, I still hate it to bits. That's why I'm so lost now, coz I still haven't found an insecticide that could kill the fly.
 
 btw, how do you pronounce your name? What language is that? Jewish?

mabelle,
 
 I read through all themessages here and I feel sorry about you.
 
 To some extent, I agree with Yrelav, there are sooo many ladies who likes to seduce others' husband. Even this lady disappears from your masrriage,are you sure there wont be sth similar happen in the future..?
 
 Either you start to trust your husband and stop torturing yourself or set both of you and him free....
 
 Anyway, good luck!!