Baby problem... :(

  • Sorry I can't type Chinese on this computer...

    Recently I have encountered some problem but I really don't know who can understand me.  Hope someone can help me here...

    I am married for 4 years and am 34 now. I like kids and really want to have a baby with my husband. However being that the economy is not stable. I was thinking maybe we should talk about having kids when I'm 33 -35.  Now I'm 34 and I just learned that I have uterine fibroid... I was shocked and unhappy. 

    My husband, on the other hand, is not worried at all. It is probably because he doesn't feel it's serious and he is in no hurry to have kids. Of course being he is a man. 

    Also my 99 is a very selfish woman who only cares about her loving son. She loves my husband and always wants to see him. She NEVER wanted her 2 sons to get married and have kids. So she NEVER asked us when we are having kids even when other relatives are asking us in front of her. It is NOT because she is not traditional (she is EXTREMELY conservative except this!!!) And she knew that we won't have as much time for her if we have kids. I perfectly understand that cuz her daughter has 2 kids and she doesn't go visit her that much because she is soooo busy with the kids. So 99 just wants to be surrounded by her kids all the time and she does not have any other hobbies!!!

    The worst is that my husband is certainly affected by his crazy & selfish mom. He loves me and is a good husband, but he is just too attached to his mom too. And now being sick myself and having a high risk of not being able to get pregnant at my age (being 34 and having uterine fibroid), I just feel so sad about the whole thing. And I just cried...

    My good friend told me I should try to get pregnant asap. She said that in front of me and my husband, but seeing that my husband didnt say a word, I know he doesn't really want to have kids now. I really don't know what to do... I'm not young anymore... 

    Who can give me some advice? Pls help!

  • Do you have any planning with your husband?

    You stated other side factors of your husband not wanting kids because of how your 99 selfish reason to own her son to herself.  But all you said is out of what "you think", to be certain of what's in your husband mind, both of you: you and your husband, should have a serious discussion about family planning.

    There is no use to not finding the ultimate plan from your husband. It is not easy to have a difficult relationship with your 99, but family planning is between you and your husband. Whether he likes to have kids or not, you should discuss with him.

    The keyword in family planning is PLAN, what, when, how many kids and how they are being cared for require both of you map out the plan.

  • CS-She,

    Thanks for your reply!

    Yes I know... I really should talk to my husband about this. But seems like I'm kind of avoiding this... cuz I'm afraid to hear that he doesn't wanna have kids in the near future. I mean I don't have much time. So if he says that, I think I'd be really sad...

    I've always been an optimistic person and wanna be happy. But after getting married, I became a less happy person, I think mainly because of my in-laws and their influence on my husband. Now when they call my husband, he will try not to let me hear what they're talking about. But it's really hard not to think about it. And I really don't like the way they try to involve in everything. You know I've always been pretty free before getting married and my mom wouldn't control me as much. So this is really difficult.

    But yes, thank you for your opinion. I know I have to talk to him asap. I just don't have the courage and I don't want to get hurt. And if he said he doesnt wanna have kids or he doesnt want to have kids in the near future, I'll be so upset about him, and of course my crazy in-laws.

    Anyways, I'll try my best to talk to him when he gets back from his business trip. And I'll need to see the Dr. about my uterine fibroids soon. I know being a happy person will help to stop the growth of that damn thing... but it is really hard now...

  • Many marriages go down hill because couples have not placed the fundamental of an honest communication in prioity. The misconception of "if I tell the truth, he be mad" or like your case, you both are avoiding the issue could cost a marriage overtime. A married couple abided to be honest, respectful,  and put his/her spouse ahead to self. 

    Not only one person but both husband and wife must put in the effort to work things out. 

    It seems like besides the baby issue, your resentment toward your husband and his side of the family need to straighten out. It takes a magic number: 2, two, 兩個人to work things out. 

    Bring up the issue to your husband first. If that fail, seek a respected friend or relative as buffer; or seek professional help from a marriage counsular may also be an option. 

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