老公同前女友偷偷contact(因為知我接受唔到), 我覺得個女人在等chance,但老公對我幾好,唔似有嘢. 咁可以原諒嗎? 我應該點做好? 大家可以比喲意見我嗎?
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心痛, 你前男友另一半知道你們有contact? --> 唔知!!
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<br>其實我只想話比你知, 不論舊男友/舊女友, 佢地再有聯絡, 唔一定有野. 當然而家佢結埋婚, 我連見面既機會都唔會比, 始終佢而家係人地老公, 無謂有任何不必要的誤會.
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勾人老公,生仔無乜乜啦你!
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<br>by 賤格 - 02/27/07 15:18
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<br>you have big problem understand english. If i wanted him, i would have married him.
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心痛, 好可惜唔係個個人同你一樣, 咁明理.
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我 sort of 遇過呢種情況。以前有個 pk 男朋友, 同我拍拖之後依然同 ex gf 聯絡 (佢地散左幾年我先識得佢) - 包括寫信 (當時未有 sms 同電腦), 講長途電話 (我同我當時個男朋友都響外國讀書) , 仲要響我面前。同我一齊住都仲擺個 ex 張相出黎, 要我陪佢日日對住另一女人。我有講過我會唔開心, 但佢居然話我小器! 話再見亦是朋友, 反問我點解擺自己個 friend 張相同同朋友聯絡都要話唔開心!
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<br>佢返香港都會同果個女仔出街, 有次平日下午我去佢屋企, 個女仔打電話揾佢, 佢就不停同個女仔傾傾傾, 我曬過門都係客, 就有得我自己呆坐聽佢同佢 ex 講電話。
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<br>期間佢 ex 提到話要開花店, 問佢改咩英文名好, 我都想提供意見, 點知果個男朋友居然掩住我把口, 示意我唔好出聲, 慌死個女仔知道我響度。
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<br>後來我好唔開心, 自己回家。但佢冇理我, 到晚上我打俾佢, 佢反而話返我小器, 無端端自己走左去。
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<br>我唔知個女仔知唔知有我既存在。但做男朋友/老公既, 係咪應該顧及自己另一半既感受先呢? 係咪自己另一半既感受唔及得上 ex 或者朋友既感受?
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<br>我果個 ex 固然係衰到冇人有, 但你老公同你結左婚都仲要有外遇, 真係好 hurt, 我都體會過 (it's another story, anyway)。要建立返一份信任係需要俾更加多既安全感你, 而唔係背住你繼續同果個女人有來往。既然係回頭, 就要徹底, 而家咁同拖拖拉拉有咩分別? 繼續俾希望個女人既同時繼續 hurt 你。如果覺得咁對唔住果個女人, 何必拖住你? 迫你無時無刻活在恐懼與痛苦之中?
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<br>呢 d 野, 冇得大方架! 最重要係, 個女人由始至終都係第三者, 破壞人地家庭, 知道之後都唔走, 算係點?
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<br>講真, 真係做朋友, 就會為對方設想。明知自己會令對方唔好做, 或者令對方既另一半唔開心, 就自己識做啦! 難道真摯友誼比得上自己果個所謂摯友既家庭/婚姻幸福?
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<br>我未同我老公一齊之前, 佢 ex 好敏感, 當時我同我老公只係朋友, 識得仲耐過佢同佢 ex。佢 ex 誤會我地有野, 咁我地兩個都幾年冇聯絡啦! 係分手後先再聯絡返。當時我都覺得好似冇左個 best friend, 但我真係衷心祝福自己個 friend 囉!
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<br>所以, 版主, 我覺得呢個女人無論係朋友又好, 有目的又好, 都係好自私。但你係阻止唔到呢d 破壞者, 佢走左, 將來可能一樣會有好多呢 d 女人痴埋黎。最重要係你老公點處理, 但似乎佢根本唔明你既痛苦, 淨係覺得自己欠左個女人。
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<br>我唔應該俾咩 advice 你, 因為我響呢 d 情況比較悲觀, 我會情願離開。因為我試過無時無刻都活在恐懼中, 唔知幾時又會失去, 時時刻刻留意佢講既野同做既野有冇破綻, 發覺有唔妥, 就精神崩潰發曬癲, 完全唔係我自己。所以當時我問自己, 係咪以後都要過呢種日子? 係咪要為一個唔珍惜我既人搞到自己痴線?
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cc,
<br>i can understand your feeling, i got a similar case as you now, i was just married for 2months!! i found my husband searching 一樓一 on web and found an address of one of them on his phone; when i asked him, he just gave me excuses that he just search it for fun and the address is not belonged to him, it was given by his colleague who play joke to him. i believe him at first when i see the web, but after i saw the address, i can't believe that. or say, i am very very suspicious, i want to know if he really been to there or not. I believe he loves me, but i can't understand why he did so at the moment he still loves me..... i dont know what to do now, i have no evidence to proof he really gone there but i can't stop thinking abt this; he used to say he never been to 一樓一 because he doesn't like to go, i thought he was serious and believe him in the past.....
<br>siu siu
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by experienced - 02/28/07 12:09
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<br>well said. i think cc's husband is so purely selfish.
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siu siu,
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<br>當我睇完你既事之後, 令我想起一個case 同你有d 似, 就係我bf 有個好友叫MM, 係兩個月前結婚!
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<br>大約係MM結婚前6個月, 佢地一班男仔, 集體去澳門玩, BF 當時同我講都係去食下野, 賭下錢, 我亦無諗過會有咩特別啦! 點知去個日, 啱啱BF 病咗, 跟住無去到! 點知呢班男仔話, 原來去咗NIGHT CLUB, 當中有兩人(包括MM),仲要同D女仔去街攪野! 仲話我BF 唔黎走寶!
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<br>跟住係MM結婚前一晚, 一行4個男仔再去多一次澳門, 結果當然MM 一定又係重施故技LA!
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<br>我當時都仲未見過佢新婚太太, 後來有一次食飯, 呢4個男仔,都帶哂佢地D太太 OR GF出黎團年食飯, 我食飯時個種感覺好難形容, 因為我知哂呢幾個男仔既事! 會覺得佢地既太太OR GF 好似比人蒙在鼓裡! 但佢地又唔係何嘗咁快樂同佢地既身邊人一齊?
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<br>其實可能調返轉, 我BF 都會係D 咁既人, 不過我都係唔知咁解, 所以我諗你都係唔好去追究到底了!
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thx. 唔係嚇你 for answering me.
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<br>i think so too, but it is that even though i dont dig it out, for many times, it happens to let me know by itself very unexpectedly, e.g. i go to she.com and type the address, because the prositute website 's beginning with "s", so the web record auto. list out the website.....
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<br>i really dont understand why male like that, loving one and seeking another one.....
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one eye is open, one eye is close is alright for me. 我接受到.
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從你所說的, 我看到的不是一份悲情, 而是一份溫暖甜蜜愛的感覺。比起其他相同經歷的版友, 你的處境好好多。
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<br>你先生曾經背叛你, 跟那個女人在一起。無論有什麼好理由, 他所做的都是對不起你, 傷害了你。你沒有選擇離開他, 反而去原諒他, 並付出了很大的愛去包容他的過失。 字裡行間仍流露出你仍然是相信他, 仍然是愛他。只不過這件事傷害得你太深, 留下的陰影仍然揮之不去。
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<br>遭背叛的陰影令你變得敏感起來, 一個SMS, 一個ICQ Message足以令你瘋狂。情感上你覺得他可能重蹈覆徹, 但理智上你相信他是清白。奈何女人是感情的動物, 你感到這個背叛的陰影一次又一次地籠罩著你, 你需要先生的安慰, 解釋, 讓你不安的情緒得以平伏。可惜你先生是始作俑者, 你感到很矛盾, 心裡有懷疑。如是者, 年復一年, 陰影仍揮之不去。
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<br>另一邊廂, 蠢鈍的男人得到你的原諒, 心存感激。以為事情因你的原諒而解決, 成為過去了。 可惜他不知道你付出的原來遠超過你能承受, 他所做的偒痕仍然深在你心; 他不知道你吵鬧的時候是偒痕在痛, 他不知道你需要的是他的安慰, 他不知道你仍然需要他加倍的照顧, 他不知道他的深情的懷抱就是你心靈的庇護所。
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<br>照你所言, 我認為你先生是清白, 仍然是疼愛你的。只是他不明白, 只給你分析, 沒給你情感的滿足;正如你只嚷著哭著, 沒有給他理性的解釋。
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<br>請嘗試跟他坦誠地面對這個陰影, 他需要理性的解釋; 他愛你的話會體諒你和明白你的需要。只要他明白, 他會很快作出改變。溝通的過程裡, 男性比較被動和多顧忌。尤其是一些敏感的話題, 他不會先開口, 他要知道你會接受到多少才講多少。正如你說你不能接受那個女子的留言, 他不會主動告訴你知有關留言的事。這是他的防線, 原因是避免你會失控。要解除他的防範, 你要讓他感覺到你會大方包容, 無論他說什麼你都可以接受到。只要他放下這個防線, 無論背後隱藏著多少, 他都會告訴你。所以你要表現出你很大方, 無論他說什麼難聽的都要忍、不要發脾氣。
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<br>我猜想他沒什麼好隱藏, 有的都不是你所想的...
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<br>刻骨銘心的愛情總有波折, 真愛總要付出和承受, 既然決定繼續相愛, 就繼續相信...
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男人, 做你的親人朋友一定好幸福, 因為你識照顧別人感受! =)
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TKS.
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女人:
<br>多謝, 但不敢當; 我只是一犯同樣毛病的男人而已...
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<br>樓上兩個男人:
<br>多謝搭訕
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why do women always do this dumb ass things? If I'm your husband, I'll divorce you in a heartbeat.
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<br>do you know what privacy is? how would you feel if your husband goes through your phone log?
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<br>He didn't delete the phone log (at least to me) shows that he has nothing to hide from you.
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<br>You, on the other hands, have issues of your own to deal with. He didn't let you know because he knew you'll be jealous!
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<br>This situation shows me that you are insecure about yourself. Were you the 3rd person who broke up their relationship? Are her balls bigger than yours? do you put out in bed?
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<br>Stop being silly. Keep an open channel of communications. I am still in touch with my ex gfs and my wife doesn't mind. Why? Becuase I tell her everytime and she even met my ex gfs. Trust is the most important element in a marriage. If you continue to be suspicious, then divorce.
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<br>I know I would if I were your husband! dumb ass!
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你都痴線！簡直就係落井下石！針唔吉到肉唔知痛就算﹐唔怪你無知﹐但係你無知得黎仲要鬧人﹐好希望你遇到呢d事﹐到時你就知道會係咩感受﹐睇你仲識唔識得講風涼話﹐又睇下你到時會唔會癲﹐最好你講D野應驗曬響你身上！
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男人老九上SHE.COM鬧女人﹐做你老婆同女朋友真係前世！YOU JERK 我係你老婆都立即同你離婚﹐DUMB ASS！
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港女的思考方式:
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<br>(質素排列)娶港女的港男>娶大陸女的港男>冇人嫁的港男
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<br>Therefore,
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<br>(質素排列)嫁港男的港女>嫁大陸男的港女>冇人娶的港女
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<br>Provided that 男女平等
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<br>To conclude,
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<br>(質素排列)娶大陸女的港男>冇人娶的港女
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why do women always do this dumb ass things? do you know what privacy is?
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<br>I wanna to know why as well. By the way I am woman.
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why do women always do this dumb ass things? do you know what privacy is?
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<br>I wanna to know why as well. By the way I am woman.
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<br>by sentor - 03/01/07 09:21
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<br>I had the same reaction before being cheated by my ex in a similar way, and you will definitely know why once you are being cheated. For people like you both will only see the victims' logic and their underlying reasons as a cliche or excuses no matter what. Try to understand the matter of fact before blaming others. Period.
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咁女仔偷偷地同其他男仔msn, 又啱唔啱呀?
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咁女仔偷偷地同其他男仔msn, 又啱唔啱呀?
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<br>by ShingShingCHU - 03/01/07 13:59
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<br>當然係唔岩啦! 男朋友/老公唔鍾意就直頭唔好做, 何必要偷偷地? 咁唔叫尊重另一半!
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experienced, thanks so much for telling me your cases and comments. actually i am quite same as you.. very pessimistic. i think that's what so called '哀莫大於生死'. 但我都有一弱點, 衰心軟, 被動但又原諒佢. 其實當我知道老公有第三者時, 我主動提出先離開, 但我太愛佢, 佢挽回關係時, I forgave him immediately. actually, if not realizing the affair and if not he's being so 'tor tor la la', i think he's a good husband. that's why I still can live with him and stand with the pain. experieced, up to now, i still want to try all the way to fix our problem, even though it's painful. I don't want to give up the relationship. I'm trying to tell your comments about how a friend should handle the relatoinship with her ex in order not to affect her ex's family. i think your points are very to the point.
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<br>siu siu, general people said men can sleep anyone without love, but women can only sleep with men they love. that's because men can be sexually arosed by looking at the women figure. but i still know a lot of guy friends they have no such interest at all.
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男人, 好多謝你. 雖然唔知結果會否途然, 但 我會嘗試再放開多點.
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<br>??, please try to understand that's a tough job if a woman needs to check on a man phone log. I think none of the women would do that if they weren't cheated. i don't know if your ex is one of the 3rd person to your current relationship, if she were, please sincerely ask your wife and see if she would still not mind. i think you'll get another story. honestly, I believe i wouldn't mind if my husband had a ex. and were still in contact with, but i can't stand with someone who almost broke my family and still enforce to keep the relationship.
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by seriously - 03/01/07 10:25
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<br>How did you know I never been cheated before? I did and he was my going to be husband.
<br>Being cheated before does not mean you have special right to do something stupid.
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cc:
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<br>我好欣賞您為一個家所付出的愛和忍耐, 原諒和寬恕。縱使傷痛, 您卻沒有放棄您深愛的人, 我認為這是正確不過的事, 為您而感到驕傲。
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<br>我相信您們之間的真愛足以能夠擺脫以往的創傷, 永遠相戀相愛。願送給您們這份信心和祝福。
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Sorry typo...........he was my husband to be.
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<br>cc,
<br>You are not alone. Many of us had been in similar situation before.
<br>I think this is not about the woman but your trust on your husband has never been gained again even though you said you had forgot him.
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Sentor, did I say this is a "special right"? And did you stay with you husband-to-be after being cheated? Can you understand how it feels when you still have to live with the cheater everyday? Have you ever got a chance to do case studies on this matter? Have you ever read any psychology paper or books about the underlying reasons? I urge you to do so if you love to blame others for "having special right to do something stupid."
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seriously,
<br>No, I chose not to stay with a cheater because I believe once a cheater always a cheater and I also know women well. We may forgive but never forget.
<br>Once the women had made the decision to stay and forgive, they have to prepare for the on going situation. It is about the trsut not only love.
<br>By the way didn't blame anyone. Sorry if it made you felt so.
<br>Actually, I didn't meant it, what I meant was it was wrong to check other's personal stuffs without any permission.
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Sentor, what I have been telling is that you don't understand the underlying reason. See, you keep saying "should" and "should not". I believe everyone knows this better than you, but what's make her check him again? His behaviour.
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<br>But wait, did cc "check other's personal stuffs without any permission"? She didn't mention she discovered something "without permission" at all.
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<br>I just don't know why there was a jerk yelling at her and judging her, and you suddenly showed up asking the same stupid question (sorry to be rude, but who used the word "stupid" first?) If you have ever faced the same situation (you don't, okay?) you wouldn't say something so irresponsible and rude.
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I just don't know why there was a jerk yelling at her and judging her
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<br>See. What kind of a person you just turned out? Calm down.
<br>Have a nice day seriously.
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cc,
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<br>完全明白。其實我之前個男朋友係去滾所以分手, 知道之後我問自己係咪有咩做得唔好, 又問佢係咪我有咩唔好, 佢話唔係, 仲話會改, 好對我唔住咁。
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<br>於是我一方面要自己療傷, 一方面俾多 d 關心佢, 希望可以挨果呢關。但問題係當一個人對另一個人失去信任時, 其實好容易聽得出佢邊句係大話同埋有咩景轟, 以前懵盛盛, 只不過係因為太信任一個人, 信任到明明察覺有問題都可以好似盲左咁。
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<br>可惜佢響呢段時間雖然都係對我好好, 但依然好多時講大話, 而且好多都係用一個大話黎掩飾另一個大話, 於是 d 大話多到根本係連佢自己都唔記得, 不攻自破。
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<br>明明已經 forgave, 但佢不停做呢 d 野黎 remind 我, 又如何 forget? 每次佢 d 大話被識破, 我就崩潰, 所有痛入心脾既感覺又再湧現。所以我絕對明白你感受。
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<br>大話被踢爆, 佢初初都會緊張地道歉, 但慢慢地佢好似已經習慣左, 好似道個歉我就會原諒, 所以繼續講好多大話。
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<br>總之果陣我心情經常大上大落, 好似痴線一樣。我一向都唔會咁, 好理智。連我自己都覺得自己好可憐。
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<br>我關心佢, 平時打俾佢問佢響邊, 佢會覺得我 check 佢, 反應大到立即將電話塞俾同行既朋友, 叫人證明自己冇搞搞震。講真, 我一直都唔會 check 佢, 佢出街, 做 d 咩, 甚至連落 disco 返大陸, 我都從來冇過問。但佢自己心中有鬼, 普通一個關心既問題, 竟然搞到我好似一個八婆咁! 令佢 d 家人朋友覺得我管佢, 有次佢又係咁塞個電話俾佢阿哥, 佢阿哥唔肯, 仲用粗口同我 ex 講問佢係咪男人之類。
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<br>我覺得好難相處落去, 於是分手。當然, 導火線係佢講左一堆白痴都知道係大話既大話。
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<br>我唔係叫你分手, 只係 share 下, 雖然俾唔到咩意見你, 但都希望你知道呢個世界上係有人明白你同支持你。果陣我都遇到有 d 人, 鬧我話一係就分手, 選擇一齊就唔好再提以前, 唔好大吵大鬧, 自怨自艾。又有人單單打打話我做咩要同返呢個人一齊。咩難聽既說話都聽過, 令我更加自責, 憎恨自己。
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<br>而家諗返, 我冇後悔果陣拖拉左一年先分手。因為我總算有努力挽救, 亦自問已經盡力, 俾足機會大家。佢唔珍惜, 我都無能為力, 徹底心死。
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<br>所以, 請好好加油, 要痛惜自己。衷心祝福你! :)
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experienced
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<br>Hi！ 打個招呼，多謝妳的分享。
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by experienced - 03/04/07 11:02
<br>Thanks for sharing.
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<br>cc,
<br>Sorry for arguing with seriously in your thread.
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experienced, thanks for ur sharing!
<br>i had abt the same experience too, just now..and i broke up with him. i just know this period, i hav to suffer.
<br>looking for a new hope! being single, at least no one can trigger ur emotion, u can being urself!!
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<br>cc, u still hav to deal with it, cuz it cant last for life long....u hav to solve it with ur hubby, hav to!
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男人:
<br>你仍在看嗎?看完你的留言...我感覺舒服了很多...可以給我一點意見嗎?
<br>id=1849254
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experienced, sentor, seriously, thanks so much for all you guys' sharing and comments. end up you guys quitted the relationship with the cheater and start a new life. I just wonder, will you guys be able to trust on your another NEW half? with no checking or being more sensitive to your life half? actaully when I decide to stay with my husband, my friends told me that I might have to face the same problem with a new relationship, plus, everyone might make wrong things once in a relationship, why not give him a chance. anyway, at this point, I still think this is not a wrong decision.
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with no checking or being more sensitive to your life half?
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<br>I am positive here. Yes, I do trust him (the current one) and have more confidence in myself now.
<br>Honestly, I never got mad at my ex bf. I was just not the one for him and I thanked him for leaving me otherwise I could not find the right one.
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