break-up ...



  • Anyone have experience in breaking up with GF whom you have been with for a long time (eg, 7+ years) and perhaps have been living together for several years?

    What was it like, is it very difficult? Did you give any monetary compensation?

    Just curious how people did it, and what made them so determined to do it?



  • I have the same experience. But I am a girl.. broke up with my bf who have been with me for almost ten years. We lived together... I sold my house and said goodbye. It's very hard to do so... lot of tears, unhappiness, arguement and reluctance. The process lasted for over 6 months because I have to sell the house.


    Reason for that: I found I can have feelings with other guy although nothing happened at all. When you know that you no longer love the one sleep next to you plus nothing will drag yr feet, believe me you will make that same decision as I made.


    Answer your question, I don't think money can compensate the loss or the broken heart. But if you are rich, no harm to do that.



  • MadB, thanks for sharing.


    You two own a house together with joint names, I suppose?


    Definitely it's going to be hard and sad, but I am not sure why it has to involve money ... usually the man is the one to be blamed to drag the girl for all these years, and will be asked to give some sort of monetary compensation to the girl. I mean, it's fine if the man is willing to give out some voluntarily, but the girl explicitly asks for it, the whole thing just turn so ugly.



  • I solely owned that house. The time when I determined for breaking up, I knew I have to sell it out.


    Your case is terrible. May I know how old she is? It's crucial because I want to find a reason that why she will ask for money. Any chance that the request is triggered by her anger?



  • Maybe she is not serious? I just cannot believe/imagine.



  • well, you know, she just feels that we've been together for so many years but we are still not married and if we broke up she will hv nothing, no youth and no money ... just a typical mid-year lady mindset, I suppose (sorry, i didn't mean to be sterotyping)





    She has demanded for a joint bank account since a couple of yrs back. And earlier this year when I said I want to get a job that can get me more china exposure, she asks me to let her keep all my saving money (don't hv any fix asset though), because she feels threatened by me alone in china for some prolonged period of time.





    I don't blame her, I have had my "bad record" in not being whole-heartedly to her before, but then I guess everything happens for a reason, and if both are mature and capable individuals (educated, hv a stable, good job, etc.), all these act have just turned me off and away even more ...



  • Let me re-construct your story.


    You are still with her right now. But you want to separate and you think she will ask for monetary compensation (the savings in the joint account), right?


    Before you make any decision, I do suggest that you should consider your situation first. As a mid-aged guy (I suppose?), you cannot survive without any saving (although you might have a stable job). If you are rich enough or have pocket money yrself, fine, let her have the money in the joint account. If not, don't be so generous. Both of you have paid price for the love relationship. The time you two spent in this relationship is the same. She lost hers, you lost yours. Understand?



  • Sure i understand, but that doesn't mean she feels fair and won't ask for compensation


    Don't hv too much in the joint ... i really don't mind her hving those money as that is little, and I'm willing to give a bit more if I have to ... but I merely wanted to express my heart-aching feeling that it feels so sad to having to value the whole thing in monetary term.



  • Okay, then let her have the money of joint account. Further compensation... you two turn the relationship so 'money-oriented'. It's ugly. I don't think it's good or see the value. Can it make her or you feel more comfortable? Can it really stitch the broken heart? To me, it's symbolic and so superficial.



  • sure it's superficial ...


    What would you do if you're being dumped and felt so shocked and had no savings and thought you can rely on the guy, etc?


    Will you turn insane and get everything you can? Can you imagine it?







  • that is why married people are "secured" legally, I suppose ... they at least get a fair split of asset / money.



  • Difficult to answer you as I was the one who took the initiative for breaking up.


    I treat female and male in an equal position. I do think both parties should be independent and be responsible for his/her behaviour. Savings is personal...you have your own saving (yr further compensation)... why she doesn't? Should she be responsible for her over-spending? Why you need to fill up this gap? Why you should pay the final bill? You judge.



  • Does your gf have a decent job?





    My ex-bf dumped me after 7 years. I didn't ask for a single penny and returned the money he lent to me earlier. He was generous enough to let go the loan amount, that's it.





    Here, we both had jobs and were financially independent. Not too sure about your case, she might need the money for transition period if she used to rely on you for living expenses.



  • what is hard...meant to u ? ot her or to u ?


login to reply
 

looks like your connection to she.com messageboard was lost, please wait while we try to reconnect.