LONG POST...just a random thing I typed out when I was bored and stressed at work



  • Taking into account the emotions/feelings we all feel...greed, lust, satisfaction, hate, love, caution, generosity, ambition, anxiety, angst, agony, admiration, stress...



    What ARE emotions? Chemcial...or platonic? I myself have gone through the entire spectrum of emotions...almost, I think. From Murderous to Savior, from one opposite to the other. And I still am, all in the one entity that is me.



    Doesn't...the lack of one lead to another? Lack of greed is generosity, the lack of ambition is satisfaction, the lack of greed is admiration, and so on and so forth.



    This is possibly a short post, but THINK about each of the emotions I listed...talk about them, tell me your opinion of them...and possible list more.



    Why did I make this post? I'm currently in a locked, verbal, psychological conflict with myself as to how to deal with the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions that life is pounding me with: school work, the reputation I hold, the duty that I have given myself to RP, the duty that I have taken [school, and on forums], and a certain private matter I will not discuss openly here.



    What of the good? Every each to counter a bad...yet, it's hard to lean on any side, but being in the middle is just...horrible.



    So I spill my thoughts into a post, and mind you, not an ounce of this is re-typed. As I think, I type the words...so this, perhaps, is the truest post I have made ever.



    I have greed...for money, for love, for success, for reputation. I greed as a human does. I greed...but the most I greed for is happiness. What is happiness, then? Happiness...is up-most satisfaction. And what I seek the most is now love, and the being with my love. That, once achieved, will be satisfaction. The lack of which my current status gives me lends itself to throw at me angst, anxiety, agony, and suspicion. I cannot help these negative emotions and thoughts – I am but a mortal human.



    Then the other side...hope, love...the good thoughts, the good memories...remind me that although this world is not perfect, is not lovely...living is, in itself, a blessing. Love is just another blessing atop of life...and not everyone is fortunate to experience it at all. One thing holds back all those negative thoughts in my head: trust. No matter how much my thoughts tell me of suspicion, of spite, trust denies them all. My trust is what keeps me in the middle. It does not push the negative feelings back, but holds them at their ground. Trust...in myself, in love, whatever the negative feelings doubts: my success, my complicated relationship (It's perfect, no problems with it, but it's complicated...), my plans, whatever.



    Most stress comes from the line of thought...to do this, we must achieve this, and to achieve this, we must do this. A domino of cause and effect... If we doubt our success in one part of the domino chain, we will doubt the rest. And the cumulative doubts leads to the anxiety that we may not be able to reach satisfaction, or even remote success at all. It's a type of fear. And I feel that fear. Perhaps...it is because I have experienced too much success only to see them end if failures. Perhaps it the fear that, although not perfect, my life is better than many, and it can be worse.



    But most importantly of all, I fear to lose. Not to lose as in to not win. But to lose what I have. I fear of dying – losing my life; I fear of getting bad marks – losing the chance to a good path of education; I fear of going poor – losing the resources to do what I want/need to do; I fear of losing 'her' – losing the most perfect thing that has happened to me since birth.



    Fear...it's all about fear, isn't it? Even courage...as Mark Twain said it: "Courage is not the lack of fear...it's acting in spite of it." I tend to add one more to that...lack of reasonable fear is foolish, and unreasonable fear is equally as foolish. Because I am a fool to lack fear in certain occasions, and a fool to fear other circumstances...how do I know? I look back, reflecting on them.



    Okay, now for the ACTUAL reason why I typed all this up. I have a method of calming me down from a state of emotional stability, thanks to some help I'm getting. Yes, I, the famous/infamous/whatever you see me as Cap is an emotionally unstable person. Very seriously. Sometimes, it even shows.



    You don't see much of me do such on forums, because...it's all behind a mask. A mask of identity, which I too hold in offline life. A mask is most of what I hold, save for a few people. And perhaps even now I hold that mask, only showing a portion of what's behind. I can't help it. Perhaps...there is a single place where I possibly showed my TRUE self. Where I spilled all that held up 'true self'. Naturally, it lead to disaster, but let's not talk about such grim matters.



    And the reason, in plain words, is that I am writing this as a method to calm my nerves. To balance my emotional misbalance. As I end this piece of writing as these words are typed, it wasn't planned...I ended it when I felt my feelings have been spilled, have been let out. And here you have it.



    I don't know what you all can/should make of it, but all I request is that take no pity, if you have. This is not a whine...this is a confession of my feelings, thoughts, and emotions I hold back.



    But...what of the thread's purpose, you ask? I guess I have to supply one, don't I?



    All I seek from this point on is, perhaps, just a discussion on human emotion, primarily, fear...



    P.S. In retrospect, I will not look over what I just typed. But this piece is typed straight from the mind, thought into words. I apologize of any of this truth offends you in anyway, but it will have to be.



  • For future reference, 'her' is my soul mate [very very best female friend] but not gf.



  • Wah!



  • Very long....



  • hey 0.5 ^_^ long tiem no talk. Yeah. I said it was LONG xD



  • I wasnt feel very well yesterday cos i was in trouble with my own thought.





    I prehaps need to quit, or escape, or exit.





    discussion? I dunno what to say! maybe I should say I see pointless to discuss emotional issue, feeling of fears, goal of life.





    My selection of word will be "sharing". I tend to believe "sharing" is neutral word and it is a more appropriate word to reflect the true content of this post!





    Host, Good Morning!



  • Yeah, I wasn't on she for a long time because I was busy.





    Indeed, sharing would be a better word, haha...like I said, though, I wrote that in one go without looking back or changing anything, so...yeah xD





    Good morning ^_^



  • glad you are not psycho, otherwise you'll be typing all day. LOL



  • Luckily I never think too much. Just do it and get my dream girl as well as other pretty, sexy and smart girls:-)



  • The difference, Federic, is that you're rich and successful and (based on your degrees) smart.





    I'm young, just starting out, and not incredible wealthy xD



  • Once upon a time, "I'm young, just starting out, and not incredible wealthy xD"





    Don't worry too much. Just do it.



  • So..one word: Nike?





    :p



  • Yes, just one word, "Nike" and you can save your energy typing another long post and stressing out over trivial things.



  • For some odd reason, you not only made my day, you have got the Nike slogan permanently stuck in my head xD



  • sinthetick,





    To tell you the truth, I "nike" you therefore I gave you good advice:-)



  • =P Damn it I almost laughed out loud in my cubicle. THanks xD



  • which one?


    nothing is impossible?


    impossible is nothing?


    or else??



  • Well, 05, the common one.."Just Do It" xD



  • wakaka...


    the most difficult one to achieve!


    JUST DO IT!



  • Indeed.





    Imagine instead of "Just beat it" Michael Jackson sang "Just do it"..xD





    Oh god I'm thinking too much of the Nike motto. It's fredrick's fault :P


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