Can any one tell me why my wife dont want my baby....



  • We have married half year already, and my wife got pregnant but she dont want the baby can anyone tell me why from women`s point of view.....



  • Why you ask us 路人甲 at she.com?





    Ask your wife...





    Ask her why she is not ready?





    Is it financial problem? Is it maturity problem? Does she not see future with you?





    Unless it is a child out of wed lock, and is illegitimate. But you both are married. There is no explanation.





    Ask your wife. She will give you the answer.










  • Gosh Cheerful





    You are omnipresent in she. No wonder you are hooked and addicted as you have said.





    Olaf





    Thousand reasons but only one answer



  • exactly! talk to her and solve the problem together. show her more positive things about having a baby.



  • Barbie....





    ha ha... you too. i see you night and day here at she too.





    check Mr. B's, he finally puts a new post.
















  • I am ok kid, but I don't want to have kid because I know that I cannot cope with the life having one, so I told my husband when we date that if he really wants have kid, then we shouldn't be together.





    But I think you should ask your wife for the reason.



  • cheer





    Yes the caveman has finally showed his face with a beard and a club.





    Olaf888





    Here is one unorthadox guess. Its rare but deadly and regard it as a possiblity cuz your wife might not want to admit it or she doesnt even know it. Pregnancy-phobia - its fear of something growing inside her







  • olaf:


    lots of reason, one thing is : how old is she ? age might be a possible reason.





    barbie:


    where've u been my dear, glad to see u here



  • She is 34, age is no problem, financailly is not a problem, i cant think of any problem... but when i try talk to her she just keep silent, so i dont know and cant understand her..



  • hm.... could it be possible that the baby is not yours?


    or she has some inherited health problems?



  • I also thought about that but what can I do, I am not the decision maker in this situation...



  • Well I ask here because I want to find out more from different views from women`s point of view...



  • yo Ola888





    I always hated chauvinists but I'm on your side in this predicament.


    ------------------------------------------------------------------


    Olaf888 replied @ 2008-03-05 4:30 pm





    I also thought about that but what can I do, I am not the decision maker in this situation


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------


    What do you mean ? are you a man? you should be the head of the household (to certain extend) and protecting your family is your job. If she is acting so irrational and cant handle this problem as an adult, she is pleaded as incompetent and she relieves her rights to be a mother. Its a life you are dealing with not to mention that you own half of the baby as biological dad. I am pro life so I dont believe in abortion and it seems like your wife is heading toward that way.


    Now think and take charge.



  • maybe your wife is thinkign of divorcing you?



  • then you both are mature enough to take care the baby. Try to convince her not having abortion as much as you can. I guess she will change her mind finally. how about commitment? show her that you will be a good dad.



  • what if your wife tell you the baby is not yours? maybe that's why she doesn't want to have it, and later on found out by DNA test..



  • shane





    You are really pushing this scenerio to the limit. Ok say if you are right and the baby isn't his, do not assume the wife is the culprit. Think of her as the victim. From rape ? sorry I dont mean to be judgmental but just being more dramatic to fit the worst case scenerio.



  • shane: stop bluffing Olaf888. he is poor enough.





    Olaf888. : i guess your wife is just lack of confidence. u should think it in positive way.



  • Barbiedoll


    what I mean is she always dominate on every issue, she will like to get her hand involved in every aspect. I try to take charge but things turn worst....so what do u expect me to do....



  • 麥道舞


    I show her in all aspect i can be a good daddy, but she just keep thinking what she like to do not and she will tell me" its my body not yours"



  • Shane


    I thought about that reason too, but there are no such way can find out until the baby is born... but what can i do....



  • 小心你太太產前depression


    無心理情況下有左,可能好唔適應


    你同太太溝通多d..


    必要時去找醫生傾下啦



  • agree, seeking help from professional if necessary.





    as a female, i wouldn't that cruel to kill a baby.





    did you set her up? she has already planned not having a kid when she was marrying to you. under this situation, she may be upset about what you have done for her.



  • Olaf888 replied @ 2008-03-05 7:55 pm





    Barbiedoll


    what I mean is she always dominate on every issue, she will like to get her hand involved in every aspect. I try to take charge but things turn worst....so what do u expect me to do....


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------





    I am a hardliner and I go to unusual extremes if I have to get to the bottom of the truth. Since I know you are suffering deeply from this strange ordeal, here is an extremely effective but dangerous solution.





    -given the fact she is a dominant person, she must be very strong and aggressive mentally , emotionally and spritually.





    -given the fact she shows no signs of depression.





    -given the fact she is more on the rational side vs the emotional side





    -given the fact you have exhausted all conventional ways of finding out the truth.





    Have you played poker before? call it a bluff. If you do not want to confront her then write her a letter saying that you suspect the baby is not yours and you will forgive her of any wrong doings and be supportive provided if you tell me now.





    It's a very cruel tactic but psychologically effective. It would take a drama queen to lie and be remained in composure under this kind of accusation if she has much to hide from. But if she is innocent than she doesnt have to prove herself except you will have to think ways to pamper her feelings being hurt.





    Yes I know, I am ruthless and mean. Just brainstorming and thats what I do best.



    1. 可能個BB唔係你既


      2) 可能係你有或有過外遇, 離婚係遲早既事, 唔想做單親母親


  • 麥道舞 / Barbiedollhk


    I didnt set her up, and the main problem is she go have a contraception done without telling me, and how I find out is until she went and see a doctor and she come back and tell me ( by the way she dont even allo wme to go with her on the first doctor appiontment, the reason is she has her own privacy), now she havent decide yet but looks like she will have something done very soon, I try to cheer her and do all things but no help......



  • you two seem in a serious lack of communication. So, this is an unexpected baby. If I were her, I would be freaking out too. your wife is just not ready to have it. i believe she needs more time to accept it. My final advice is that be a very patient husband. Once you confront with her, this is just helpless and making things worst. if you can’t discuss the problem with her face to face ,writing her a letter or email that is a good suggestion. Sometimes people express themselves even better in writing. don't worry, things will be working out.



  • I try writing letters, emails but never works, she always have her reason no matter she is in fault or not. She always be the one to win every single arguement, may be you are right I should just more and more patient, but sometime there is always a limit for my patient...dont know how long this limit can last??



  • Barbiedoll


    -------------


    -given the fact she is a dominant person, she must be very strong and aggressive mentally , emotionally and spritually.





    -given the fact she shows no signs of depression.





    -given the fact she is more on the rational side vs the emotional side





    -given the fact you have exhausted all conventional ways of finding out the truth.





    Bingo !!! you have it all right thats how I feel now, what happen if she run away or hide herself after reading my letter???



  • Olaf888





    My Dear: I dont know how you can put up with this person and I could feel your frustrations. Since you have chosen her as your wife, there must be something good about her but lets not drift away from the orginal topic.





    Upon satisfying the facts that I have listed above , she should be tough enough to withstand this test. Tough as in not being stupid enough to commit suicide and strong as in a sense she wont collapse emotionally if you deal with this issue with her head on.





    You hand her this letter: possible scenerios





    1. She runs away. Fine but make sure you find out if she runs away because of Guilt or Hurt. As you have described her, she isnt someone who gets hurt that easily so use your better judgement.





    2. She confronts you in hostility. Confront her dead on and if she is persistent, than congradulations! This proves she is mad and felt falsely accused. The baby should be yours. Unless she is the drama queen.





    3. If she cries and become more evasive. Be very afraid, your suspicion has now become more a reality.





    This is a very daring approach and may I remind you not to use it unless you have exhausted all conventional ways. You want to know the truth? be ready to pay a hefty price.







  • olaf:


    maybe we are too much on the pessimistic side, aren't we ?


    too much assumption that your wife may cheat. but i doubt that possibility, if she did cheat and accidentally got pregnant, why the hell on earth she would let you know the fact? she can go all the way for an abortion by herself, i mean it's not uncommon nowadays and i believe she's an grownup.


    women needs courage to carry a baby for 10 months and it's a serious obligation and decide to be made, if she have contraception done secretly, it's obvious that she's not ready.


    writing her the letter might work, if she feels that u accuse her, she will just put a slab at your face. if u got that, u should be glad that she didn't cheat lol. think positive pal



  • barbiedoll


    Thanks for you support and analyse all the fact, I am trying all my best over these period of time to see if she will improve but it often turn out to be disappointed. Well i have a very high degree of tolerant. But just dont know how long it will reach my limit, I am trying to use the traditional way to calm and cheer her day by days even she is in a black mood...by the way are you studying psychology? do you use msn?




  • Look Zenk may have a better point than mine.





    No I dont study psychology but my forte is in interrogation- well kind of. I break down walls but I dont build them so mending is not what I do best. Anyways I wish you the best of luck and hopefully she will pass this phase if its only a phase. I really hope you could save that baby cuz I treasure life. You can leave a message in my email.



  • again, take it easy



  • Shane





    I am taking easy and take it all by myself....



  • Zenk


    After a nite of deeping thinking I am trying all my best to take it and wish this is just a short term pain for me... I am try my best to be a Mr. super nice to see if I can change her mind these days....


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