Cheating

thought the thread is "dead"..but there u r.
 
 u seems to have skiped my question yesterday? care to give ur answer to it

by
 the one I care now is "Me".. cos no one cares about me more than myself. U probably have the same feeling 2

oj
 
 Not dead yet, as phisherman said :
 
 "Will keep you guys posted on the progress, thanks again! Let's see how things works out when I get back...."
 
 What question?
 
 "blue
 do i know u (an honest answer pls)"
 
 Do u mean this one? guess I hv answered u lor bor...give me some more hints, maybe I 'm one of yr friend in real...heheeee

haha...I guess my parents care about me more than myself tim...remember I told b4 ?! Sometimes I treat myself really bad, sound like I wanna "destroy" myself !

To: oj; bluelady
 Sorry for interupting your conversation.....but should we help phisherman out first? He might become headlines of newspaper relating to domestic violence one day.......sorry......Mr. Phisherman.....I don't mena you might kill your wifw and youeself one day....but envy and fury might lead to such tragedy.......take care of yourself.....

car
 
 i think he is way too calm to do silly things like that. If it happened on me, I would bleeding chew my wife's thigh
 
 by
 ok, thanks for telling me the answer.

carpediem ->
 
 I think phisherman is ok to handle this issue la, he's someone's father already la...
 
 Guess the chance of seeing me become headline of newspaper is much bigger than phisherman la...heheee...

Guys, Thanks for keeping my spirit high! It's bad, but I won't do anything silly. Work is probably want keeping me sane, at least I get to go away for a few days away from her. Flying takes lots of concentration and that takes my mind away from silly thoughts.
 
 Got home this morning, it felt like I was gone for a month. While I was away, I found out more crap on the internet (The f*cker has the balls to write a blog about the $hit they did together). To be more specific, the $hit they did together is more than what she claimed.
 
 But like I said, I already choose to forgive her and move on with my life. I am very angry that she continue to lie to me. I don't know if she did it because she doesn't want me to get too upset, or is she shame on what she did. Whatever the reason may be, she wants her family and she's worry to lose it. For that, I put an end to my search for truth. I asked her to put an end to it as well, so she called him and told him to never come close to our family again.
 
 Now that I know this is over, I can concentrate my effort in rebuilding the thing we lost: Love, Trust, Loyality, etc. It's very hard, because it's still haunts me whenever there is a quiet moment.

What a huge improvement on you !!! So glad to hear you make up your mind...keep on it, ok?!
 
 Have a sweet Valentine's Day !!!

Sorry for being absent today....got to see some lawyers......Hello phisherman......glad to know you are still in one piece......hehe....and hello to oj and bluelady......
 bluelady.....isn't your nickname became redlady? Hehe......

carpediem ->
 I was so bad luck today ar...crashed on somebody's car's back...first time experienced this, guess have to loose $$$....

phisherman
 Hip hip Hurray on your forbearance. Its much much harder to achieve than just saying this and that. Well Done Pal..
 
 btw... u r a pilot? I Fook King hate pilot.
 
 car
 u went to see a laywer?@@? Was it ur car which got bumped by the "lady" ere?
 
 Lady
 well done for you too... haha.. at what speed did u ramp ur car ? 70? haha... R u a talking spirit now?

Good morning everyone......Mr. Phisherman, try to forget those unhappy threads......life is not bounded to one person only......you still have your family; friends; career; colleaques etc.....
 Miss Superbulelady.......you finally got yourself on newspaper headlines? Hehe......Losing money is minor, the most imporatant is you didn't get injuried.....
 Oj......sorry, guess you were a guy.....right? I hate lawyers.....hehe.....hope you are not one of them.....hehe.....got to see them coz I was involved in a civil claim lawsuit.......innocently......wish you guys everything smooth today....

phisherman,
 
 It takes a lot of courage for you to dig out more evidence, and it surely takes you a lot more courage to stop looking for more. If you decided to really get on with your wife, and really forgive her, just really put it behind you. There's no need to know why what she claimed is not what you read from that SOAB's blog. Any reaons that come up in your mind, will not be sufficient to justify your other thoughts anyway, so just leave them alone. As time goes by, things will surely die down.
 
 All the best in your work, and Happy Valentine's.

Pilot...solly borrow your space to release my "gas" today...or maybe I should open another thread to write my story...
 
 Guess maybe it's festive season that I am getting nervous, I had a lonely X'mas, New Year's Eve, CNY and VDay(last year upset how my husband 分身 to accompany me and that gal, this year just i was left alone la) ...
 
 After a lonely X'mas which I chose to spent at home with my doggies, I forced myself to join friend's gathering on New Year's Eve, which they are all couples, when we went out to count down, at the moment 12am, all pairs kissed each other, my feeling was -> I was so stupid to come out, I should stay home...
 
 For CNY, just myself prepared/brought those new year's stuff...and no more 拜年(his family, friends no need to go anymore) and my relatives, really big family(no divorce history)....no courage to go as not ready to tell my situation yet...
 
 I always try to convince myself everyday is the same, festival just no big deal, no difference, but the feeling is really hard, just can't kick away that lonely feeling... since my first bf, for the past 16 years, I never been alone....when I think of my husband is doing happily with that gal, I felt so 唔忿氣, why 搶人老公重可以咁開心當冇件事?!
 
 I even threaten my husband that if I die, i will become a "red clothes" ghost and revenge defintely...hehe....I was so sick...huh?!
 
 As I know i have to responsible(part of) for the failure of our marriage also, I ever think of forgive them, 放生別人等於放生自己, rite?! Being together with him for many years, how could I be that "black heart" to wish him unhappy, bad luck in his life? ...but I know it's still not the time, I still angry can't forgive yet...I am so 矛盾 ....(that's why I always say try to forget but not forgive lei)

Bluelady;
 Don't be upset.....take everything easy......if you are unhappy, its very stupid (sorry).....I don't mean to tease you......I have a net friend that has the exact experience like you, she was tough and strong althouh her wound hasn't heal yet.....

Nobody here? You guys are lucky......I have no place to go but here.....but everyone has a place to go....poor me.....by the way, I am used to be single on every holiday and birthday......sometimes I like the feel of being alone......so peaceful.......

I'm here la, carpediem...
 
 Bad luck still not away yet...few weeks ago planned already to join those dancing class on VDay...but after I arrived the school tonite, I found out that it was closed, I called another branch and turned out the class was cancelled la...they have phone me and left message already, I thought the sms just confirmed time n location as usual, so didn't pay attention to listen...
 
 Finally, did some shopping, went to bookstore, walked on the street alone and saw many gals with their flowers and bfs sweetly together....
 
 After back home cooked myself vegetables as dinner....guess tv is my best partner !

So you are a very typical modern city gal......right?

carpediem ->
 
 Maybe we can accompany each other on those holidays and birthdays ....dinner and shopping together...of course if u really enjoy those peaceful single times, I won't disturb you la...heheee

Sure, lets wait and see.......but first, may phisherman forgive us of using his thread to communicate.....hehe.....

typical modern city gal...yes, I think so...are you?

We keep his thread running la....

If I can turn you from blue to red....its my honour.....

Hey! I am back. Happy Valentines day! I have the honor of having 16 girls accompany me. Unfortunately, it's a quick turn around to Japan and back, and I didn't get to see any of them since I am stuck in my little room in the front. Just glad to be home now!
 
 Feel free to use the thread, it's for everyone, glad to have a space to share just chat and fight my days knowing I can share with someone here.
 
 Blue + Pupple lady:
 It's normal to feel "Black Heart" towards someone that hurt you. I am not saying it's a good thing, but I think you've been thru some rough time, everyone would feel the same if they're in your situation. I feel very sorry, not only to your situation, but just to any relationships in todays society. Was I having too high of an expectation?
 
 Seems like true love only lives in Hollywood movies, and rarely in real life. Apparently, loyalty is a luxury to todays relationships. Couples separate without making an effort to save the marriage, they leave and find someone else. Even myself thought about leaving, and I hate myself for even thinking about it. It's not easy, but I don't think leaving is an option either. I have faith that once this is behind us, the marriage will become a stronger one. Of course for you Blue+Pupple Lady, it requires your husband to realize and fix the relationship. I sincerely hope things will work out for you in the end.

OJ,
 
 Yes, I am a pilot....no hard feeling on your comment regarding pilots, but may I ask what did they do to piss you off so bad?

Hello Mr. Phisherman, welcome back.....looks like your mood is better......keep on it!

carpediem ->
 
 Turn me from blue -> red, guess this will be the most difficult thing in the world la...haha...mood not good tonite, quarrelled with my husband on the phone again, just can't control my temper, especially on those festive season, i will be crazy and get mad easily...
 
 Can't sleep yet...so having some beer & champagne...
 
 phisherman ->
 
 So envy you just back from Japan....
 
 Actually I don't think he will be back one day, he just wait for the time(one year after he moved out) then he can apply to get divorce la...
 
 Wish me to find another one is much more better la....sometimes I think I will be alone till the end of life~

Honestly... If I'm you, I will look at long-term ~~~~ If you really love her, forgive and forget ~~~ know that she "chose" you over the other person... it will be really hard (in fact "hard" is an understatement~~) But if you really cant live without her, then take on the challenge ~~~ Just my two cents... (I mean, this is where "real love" comes in, right?)

barbiedollhk

To Whoever May Be Reading This Post
 
 I feel so miserable upon reading this post. Heartbroken. Forgive yes but forget, its rather close to impossible. I know you always hear that Love conquers all but no human love can do such a task. If you are a religious person, drawing the divine power from above may be the only way one could really wipe away that hurt from your brain's harddisc. I'm not going to give petty comforts because Whatever happended to Mr Phishperman here is extraodinary. A trauma that needs grievings. Some are short some are long. Not unusual if it would last a lifetime.
 
 Here is a living testimony from someone I know. Both were going to get marry but an incident occured that had changed their lives forever. To make the long story short, the girl one day found a video tape in her bf's apartment. She viewed it by accident and discovered the tape contained scenes of his bf having sex with dozens of women. Lets say the tape was discovered in 2005 and the people involved in the tape were made in 1995. Her bf explained that he was once a playboy and those people in the sex tapes were merely prostitutes. The Girl went into a deep depression for many years and she had to seek psychiatric help. She had to take antidepressants. Their relationship dragged on for another 5 years and her boyfriend decided to marry her but find she couldnt cope with the images of those sex scenes still latched in her head. She had forgiven him but she wasnt able to forget. The mind is not a machine where you could press the delete button. Only if its that simple. Her bf, knew that this nightmare he had cause her will haunt her for life. Marriage would just be a liablility for her more than happiness so he ended the relationship. Quite a very sad ending.
 Remember that those sex footages were taken way time ago. But the main point is that those clips were made DURING their courtship even though that he had given up those promiscuous lifestyle for her and vowed to be loyal. Too late and too little.

barbiedollhk
 
 I'm sorry if my post caused you any unpleasent feelings, that was not the intention (sorrie ! >.<)
 
 I think what I'm really trying to say is to have your own principles regarding these things (and your bottom line...) I mean, it is naive to believe that you can change a person , an individual only change themselves when they believe they need change. Then you should really evaluate whether you "need" this person or not (notice it's "need" not "want"...) If you do, then show her real love and a reason for her to change (not to mention "guilt" is the biggest moral police anyone can have...once you have a big argument or fight, that police is gone...)
 
 I mean... if he "needs" her, what else can he do? If you stay with her, you might as well forgive her, coz if you make her suffer as well, sooner or later, she will feel un-loved and she will need to find... (well, u know where this train is going... =_=")

"Their relationship dragged on for another 5 years..."
 
 barbie... I mean, from your example, why the heck did the girl stay on for another 5 years? It's ridiculous... ( I understand sometimes love make ppl do crazy things..this is surely one of them...) This is exactly the reason why I said a "bottom line" is necessary~~~ I mean, Mr Phishperman, if you seriously believe that she'll never change or you can never get past it, then where is this relationship really going expect downwards? (or straight to heaven = dead...) Maybe it's time to re-evaluate your life...
 
 Whatever happens, I hope you'll find the best decision. God bless and good luck.

Barbiedollhk:
 Yes, that's very true, you can't just selectively delete things from your mind. I wish I could, but no human being can. Movies and Novels and media make us believe (if not brainwash) that love is suppose to be perfect and effortless if it is "truelove". But this ain't a perfect world, so call me a pessimist, there ain't no true love and there ain't no perfect relationship. All relationships requires effort to maintain.
 
 Like for myself, I need to put in a hugh amount of effort to not to think about what she had done to me, and it ain't easy. The image of her getting on with the other guy is like a ghost haunting my life, and it will haunt me forever. I choose to maintain this relationship so I need to do whatever to keep this relationship going (i.e. not to let my mind wonder off past the point where sanity meet insanity). The pain she cause is nothing I can describe in words, but I can tell you it's probably not far from what your friend went thru, I only wish I don't end up giving up.
 
 Heartbroken_Stw:
 I agree one needs a bottom line / Principle. I had one too and that is my wife cannot cheat on me. But when it comes to a time to decide, it's not as easy to leave as one would thought. I don't know if it is "love", but she has been a top-notch wife and stood by me since. I believe that she hasn't cheat on me since that incident. I want to give us a chance, and I hope my decision is right. I don't want to leave too easily without my own effort to save it, because I believe I am responsible even though the fault is not mine.
 
 Everyone makes mistakes, and when mine is due, I need her support too. I know if I pull thru this, the relationship will be a stronger one.

Wow....you guys didn't need to sleep? Just kidding......Come back this morning to know so many people have similar experience.....so I am not alone.....well, all of us can overcome this.....right? Wish you all have another happy day!

Hi there. Hope this thread could last. I seldomly see mature talks here.
 
 phisherman
 the end of my ex-sl and I was triggered by a Fokin Gwalo Pilot.

oj.....so bad luck......but spare those pilots la.....they are also human being.....show them mercy....hehe......

phisherman,
 
 Remember life is so short, u love her and she is having your baby. Forgive her, give her and yourself a chance. No one said it would be easy to forgive a cheater, she didn't admit it or lied in the first place was because she cares about you, don't want to lose the family / relationship. maybe that affair was just a spark which had already been put out. Don't hold on to your anger, let it go, u will become happier.
 
 Ask yourself, did u have sex with other woman before you met her? If she told u that they didn't have sex, for god's sake pls believe her. What u insisted to dig out the whole story and detail? Would that make you happier? Somehow I may understand how she feels, u can check my post today. I am having an affair which i cannot resist.

Guys,
 
 It has been a couple of months since it happened. I just want to stop by and let you all know, so far we're doing okay.
 
 I chose to forgive her, it was difficult but it's working. It's hard work to forgive and try to forget about the incident, but I stuck to it and whenever my mind start thinking about it, I know I will get very upset if I don't stop, so I make my mind to stay away from 'it'.
 
 There are many people here on she.com that encouraged me to stay positive and choose the path of forgiveness. I want to thank you all that gave me mature responses and suggestions.
 
 It's not a perfect marriage, and it left a scar for both of us. But I am grateful that as of this day, we're still together and living happily. Some suggested I am a fool to stay with someone that cheated on me. But seriously, is there a such thing as "perfect" marriage? No relationship is perfect, and if she admitted to her mistakes and never do it again, I think that's the closest of being perfect.
 
 For those who had simliar experience....think positive! It worked for me.

i have been reading since day 1 and have been wondering how u have ben. really glad that u guys have made through it ! i have similar experience lately with my relationship...and reading ur post works on me. thank you so much .
 you deserve to be happy .
 :)

phisherman
 Pal, good for ya.
 Yup, no marriage is perfect. We just have to love with it.

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