My husband refuse to communicate... Is it the time to end?

Likewitty咁鬼長氣，吏唔吏呀？

Angelina replied at 2014-01-20 10:06 am

---------------------------------------------------------------

Likewitty咁鬼長氣，吏唔吏呀？

===============================================================

LW = Long Winded = LikeWitty. lol

dear host,

the first rule of engagement is "don't try to change your man". more often than not, it's the situation that changes around you causing the problems and conflicts, and not him or you.

what you should instead do is to cope with the changed or changing circumstances. be content and be supportive. you will be a happier person.

溝通好重要，唔好咩都放係心上。

Jenny, my two cent for you.

Dun handle emotional relationship in rational way.

Handled it by your heart

Passing by -

Actually, quitting is easy but how many times can you quit?

From the limited things mentioned, I think you have a pretty high requirement on your better half. Yet, we are all human. Everyone has something lacking and it takes no time to discover them once really live together.

Bottom line is you have to ask yourself if you are trying to change him, which you don't have the right to, and actually can't.

To be fair, look yourself in the mirror. We are all ordinary people. Sometimes, we all make mistakes. Some are big ones, some are small. Some can be no big deal.

When we start picking on a person, we only see the bad side. Take a breathe and step back.

If your husband is so wise and witty and self-protecting, would you like him to treat you the same way?

If you ask me, I rather get along with a easy going person. I dare not dream of having a partner that is easy goint to me but demanding to others. This is all about personality.

I am not saying you should stay with the guy forever and accept all flaws blindly. Yet, you should put in more effort to try to work things out before jumping into drastic conclusion.

BTW, Likewitty makes a lot of sense.

Just my 2 cents.

Don't change......can't change.......如果啲人衰格就要改啦，唔係點同人相處呀？點set example 比啲子女呀？

男人你地格衰自我唔係大哂，結了婚就要似番個丈夫父親！

wizard

If u understand his weakness, you should ask him improve and refuse to marriage him first. Attitude is not easy to change

Jenny, 看到你的故事很感慨!

兩個人相愛真的是不容易，一份真墊的愛情，本來應該是把兩個人的心連繫著的。

不過在這個大城市裏，太多的雜質了...

好多時被一些我們認為重要的東西，阻隔了兩個人的溝通。

有時候，明明所愛就在前面，只差一個擁抱，一刻的聆聽，本來很近，卻似很遠。

你地有無傾下

googe

onlybs replied at 2014-01-20 4:05 pm

---------------------------------------------------------------

Passing by -

Actually, quitting is easy but how many times can you quit?

From the limited things mentioned, I think you have a pretty high requirement on your better half. Yet, we are all human. Everyone has something lacking and it takes no time to discover them once really live together.

Bottom line is you have to ask yourself if you are trying to change him, which you don't have the right to, and actually can't.

To be fair, look yourself in the mirror. We are all ordinary people. Sometimes, we all make mistakes. Some are big ones, some are small. Some can be no big deal.

When we start picking on a person, we only see the bad side. Take a breathe and step back.

If your husband is so wise and witty and self-protecting, would you like him to treat you the same way?

If you ask me, I rather get along with a easy going person. I dare not dream of having a partner that is easy goint to me but demanding to others. This is all about personality.

I am not saying you should stay with the guy forever and accept all flaws blindly. Yet, you should put in more effort to try to work things out before jumping into drastic conclusion.

BTW, Likewitty makes a lot of sense.

Just my 2 cents.

===============================================================

This time I tend not to agree with you.

1. Yes, quitting is easy, but making the right quit at the right time is not.

2. Reading a contract and be careful is common sense. What kind of high requirements are you referring to?

3. We are make mistakes, but the focus is whether we are willing to admit our mistakes and willing to make improvement, especially when someone will be very sad if we do not do anything.

4. Is it a drastic conclusion? We do not know how much time and effort the thread creator has spent to communicate with her husband.

We are make mistakes, but the focus is whether we are willing to admit our mistakes and willing to make improvement, especially when someone will be very sad if we do not do anything.

---------------------------------------

Googe,

I strongly agreed on this one, you haven't really tried if you refused to change for the better.

This time I tend not to agree with you.

1. Yes, quitting is easy, but making the right quit at the right time is not.

2. Reading a contract and be careful is common sense. What kind of high requirements are you referring to?

3. We are make mistakes, but the focus is whether we are willing to admit our mistakes and willing to make improvement, especially when someone will be very sad if we do not do anything.

4. Is it a drastic conclusion? We do not know how much time and effort the thread creator has spent to communicate with her husband.

__________________________________________

It's cool to disagree. After all, I can learn more during discussion.

Back to this BF thing -

Actually, quiting or not quiting is actually based on a subjetive call of coz. I think the root of the disagreement is that I think certains things are less important but higher on your scale.

Reading a contract is a must. Most of the time, I also just browse thru it. I don't think the BF totally un-read the whole contract and just sign. Plus, contracts are more tied to financials or monetary matters. I would not judge a person's ability in this area too much in deciding if he/she is a worthy long term partner for life.

Too often, I see people complaining and whining non stop. I still believe if one has a point, one short line is enough. If I have a gf that want to discuss with me on things I already know in a judgmental tone, I may not be in the right mood too. Again, too often, people like to raise problems to discuss for discussion sake. Probably, they need an answer of a person kneeling down to beg for mercy or a promise of changing. Yet, if I were the wrongdoer, I would try to change or improve but will not go into this kind of lowering "discussion". I am simplily giving the bf the benefit of the doubt.

As for time, the host only married for 1 year. How much time can they really put in to work on things? This is why I think more patience or perhaps respect is needed.

Btw, I am just bullshxting as usual.

21.1.2014

Dear chat mate,

I heard this is an embarrassing situation, today you need to choose either stay this hot kitchen or escape there.

A marriage is as like as a huge project, two passionate engineers to plan, build and maintain operations.

Your problem is having great difficulties (such as barriers in between communication) to keep this project running as your original plan!

From your few words, I feel you want to quit this kind of meaningless tough situation. Surrender of this marriage.

Hope is still ahead. A bird is able to fly or swim as a duck. Changes is your hope.

Remember you a master of this world. Remember to enjoy a life instead of to experience a painful life. It is wise to enjoy a life! Right?

His life is now engaged by other priorities. You are unable to change a bit of matter.

Mr. Chan

to conclude. Speak out your expectations And leave! Mr. Chan

googe

onlybs replied at 2014-01-21 10:59 am

---------------------------------------------------------------

This time I tend not to agree with you.

1. Yes, quitting is easy, but making the right quit at the right time is not.

2. Reading a contract and be careful is common sense. What kind of high requirements are you referring to?

3. We are make mistakes, but the focus is whether we are willing to admit our mistakes and willing to make improvement, especially when someone will be very sad if we do not do anything.

4. Is it a drastic conclusion? We do not know how much time and effort the thread creator has spent to communicate with her husband.

__________________________________________

It's cool to disagree. After all, I can learn more during discussion.

Back to this BF thing -

Actually, quiting or not quiting is actually based on a subjetive call of coz. I think the root of the disagreement is that I think certains things are less important but higher on your scale.

Reading a contract is a must. Most of the time, I also just browse thru it. I don't think the BF totally un-read the whole contract and just sign. Plus, contracts are more tied to financials or monetary matters. I would not judge a person's ability in this area too much in deciding if he/she is a worthy long term partner for life.

Too often, I see people complaining and whining non stop. I still believe if one has a point, one short line is enough. If I have a gf that want to discuss with me on things I already know in a judgmental tone, I may not be in the right mood too. Again, too often, people like to raise problems to discuss for discussion sake. Probably, they need an answer of a person kneeling down to beg for mercy or a promise of changing. Yet, if I were the wrongdoer, I would try to change or improve but will not go into this kind of lowering "discussion". I am simplily giving the bf the benefit of the doubt.

As for time, the host only married for 1 year. How much time can they really put in to work on things? This is why I think more patience or perhaps respect is needed.

Btw, I am just bullshxting as usual.

===============================================================

Just a few words. The thread creator usually knows more details than us.

I think it is about attitude but not ability regarding the contract example.

I guess what you are trying to say is that if there is no problem and if it is just the thread creator being too mean, then she should not force his husband to do anything. What if there is really a problem?

LD for 5 years, live together, and then I assume 2nd anniversary means married for two years. She said that he promised to change probably before their marriage.

Just a few words. The thread creator usually knows more details than us.

I think it is about attitude but not ability regarding the contract example.

I guess what you are trying to say is that if there is no problem and if it is just the thread creator being too mean, then she should not force his husband to do anything. What if there is really a problem?

LD for 5 years, live together, and then I assume 2nd anniversary means married for two years. She said that he promised to change probably before their marriage.

_________________________________________

What I am trying to say is that in a relationship, there are things that need to be patient and accept. There are things that cannot tolerate. Yet, we should always step back to review the whole thing and see if it was really the other side, or ourselves that is unreasonable. Unreasonable expectation is very often the root of problems. I have seen too many regrets arounds.

By the way, LD is always a distorted relationship. We tend to planted a lot of surreal roses around it.

Jenny

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. Stop waiting for the right person to come into your life, be the right person to come to someone's life.

Good luck.

gina

well said! ^^

文章分享給你看:

"你缺的不是一個想要你的人，而是需要你的人"

讓自己更好，是正向積極的好態度，才能遇到更好的人。

但在追求更好的人時，永遠不要忘記除了金錢、內涵、美麗、帥氣，「不離不棄」才能夫妻白頭皆老。

不是每個人都像他或她一樣，只會傷害你、妳，人會因為覺得再也找不到這麼契合的人，而深愛、付出一切，

或許有些人會覺得這想法太傻了，因為受過傷，所以不再相信人會付出一切，但就算機率只有1%，我還是要相信，因為當你相信、擁有正面能量，才能夠吸引同樣的人。

這個世界不是這麼的絕對，你會發現有些事總有"灰色地帶"，他或她離開了你、妳，曾經的付出會是一種浪費嗎?不，你並沒有浪費，過程的經歷是種收穫，完完全全屬於你和他的，這經歷讓你在面對下個戀情時，蛻變成更成熟的自己，前提是你反省著自己哪裡需要更好或你已經很好，因此，「你缺的不是一個想要你的人，而是需要你的人。」

想要你，是看見了你的優點，所以我喜歡你；需要你，是無論你的喜、怒、哀、樂，是優點也好、缺點也罷，我都需要你在我生命中長久駐足，因為我愛你，所以願意包容你，也希望你能看見我的優點、包容我的缺點。

我們都是人，都有七情六慾，而慾的本身是缺點，也是人性，所以沒有人是完美無瑕的，但我們還是想讓自己變得更好，最深處的原因是，總有一天你我終於相遇時，彼此都能「珍惜對方的好」

Compromising is the key of all relationships, just the matter of willing and unwilling.