30歲前結婚的迷思

[QueensMii]

<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span><font face="Times New Roman">(</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">註</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">:</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">以下談的觀點偏離一般社會觀念，</span><font face="Times New Roman"> </font><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">旨在提出己見，非要說服任何人接受我的意見。</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">)</font></span></font></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">男人三十而立。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">修身、齊家、治國、平天下。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">女大當婚。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">給女孩一個家。</span></font></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">談的</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">都是結婚的必要性。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">我不否定結婚的必要性。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">從家庭承傳及社會延續的角度出發，</span><font face="Times New Roman"> </font><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">結婚及生育是重要的。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span></font></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">然而，我們不可一頭栽進去推進我們以為必要的事。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">做生意的，常道成功得靠天時、地利、人和。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">將之應用於婚姻</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">我想</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">美滿的婚姻成就於適當的人物、時間、地點。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">請看仔細的看</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, 我提議的</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">次序是</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">人物、時間、地點。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">一般人的次序</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">應該是</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">時間、地點、人物。</span></font></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">要有真的可以相處的對像才結婚吧。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">想想</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">怎樣跟一個不太合得來的人生活在同一空間</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">?<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">人愈大</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">就愈自戀</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">且難於接受身邊的人</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">(</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">尤其是親密連繫的人</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">)</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">做出不為自己接受的行為。</span><span><font face="Times New Roman"><span>  </span>“</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">不為自己接受的行為</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">” </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">的定義因人而異</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">可以是跟鄰居的家傭有頻繁的交談</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">(well, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">可以被闡釋為對家傭有意思</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">)</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">我呢</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">唔接受</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">……</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">唔話你知</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">!<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">哈哈</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">…</font></span></font></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">再來</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">是時間。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">在中國人的社會</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">傳統的觀念是婚要在</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">30</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">歲前結婚。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">男的成了家才會穩重</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">才可更好的發展事業。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">女的要</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">趕</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">在</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">30</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">歲前結婚</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">請看清楚</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">係趕</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">!!!<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">一般的共識為</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, 30</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">歲都沒結婚的女性</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">就是</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">嫁唔出</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">及</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">無人要</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">因此</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, 30</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">歲的</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">關頭</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">來臨的時候</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">女性的擇偶要求來個</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">359</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">度的改變</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">以嫁得出為最終目標</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">努力參與</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">pitching activity (well, speed-dating), </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">將人生的重點</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">從工作換到婚姻上頭。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">經過一番努力</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">姊妹們係</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">30</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">歲零</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">364</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">日嫁出</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">!<span>  </span>Yeah!!<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">恭喜曬</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">!<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">結婚那天</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">應該是</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">新郎新娘簽了字那一刻</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">很高興</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">依單</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">deal </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">搞</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">0</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">左咁耐</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">終於</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">close</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">到</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">!<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">之後</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">……</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">那結婚之後呢</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">?<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">每年簽多次</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">retainer contract?<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">大家每年都很努力地令對方快樂</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">務求每年把</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">retainer contract</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">更新</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">把婚姻延續下去</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">?<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">唔好玩</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">.<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">一般香港人唔會有</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">retainer contract.<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">結婚係簽紙個一刻就決定</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">0</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">左</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, no turning back.</font></span></font></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">重點</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">似乎都在達成</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">30</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">歲前結婚的目標</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">有多少人在結婚前認真的審視結婚對自己、對另一半的人生會有什麼影響</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">?<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">大家是否真的相處得來的伴侶</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">?<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">大家又有想到要令對方快樂嗎</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">?<span>  </span></font></span></font></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">把婚姻看待成必要做的事</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">結了就好了。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">在結婚當天要在最好的酒店以最名貴的佳餚招呼賓客</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">以排場向各人宣示新人或其家庭的財力。</span><font face="Times New Roman"> </font><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">很可怕</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">.<span>  </span></font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">美滿的婚姻</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">不建基於結婚當天盛大的婚禮</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">是建基於新人盡心盡力地處理結婚之後的</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">後續事宜</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”.<span>  </span>“</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">後續事宜</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">泛指生活上的、情感上的事。</span></font></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">年齡漸增</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">看到自己愈來愈大的黑眼圈</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">不得不認自己進入明日黃花的階段。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">除了黑眼圈</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">還有朋友不時傳來的好消息。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">每當他</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">/</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">她們告訴我他</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">/</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">她們要結婚了的時候</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">我先是恭喜</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">再來的</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">是問他</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">/</font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">她們是否認真考慮才做出結婚的決定。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">因為之前看到了不少人在二十來歲結婚的人在結婚兩、三年之後就離婚了</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">令我不得不鼓起勇氣向準新人們作出提醒。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">離婚也不是什麼天大的事情</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">合不來就分開</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">總比勉強在一起快樂。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">只是</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">決定要走在一起成立一個家不易</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">分開更難。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">太多開心的、傷心的回憶要收在心底才可重新出發。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  </font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">可以的話</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">, </font></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">省了離婚吧</span><span><font face="Times New Roman">?</font></span></font></p>

[Married Man]

can't agree with u, sorry

[QueensMii]

So, you married well before 30?

[MM]

no, 30+

[QueensMii]

So, would you mind telling me why u can't agree?
<br>
<br>just for sharing :) no offence

[man]

<font size="3"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體">男人三十而立。</span><span><span><font face="Times New Roman">  <-------- do u know it's exact meaning? and the sentence preceding it?<br /></font></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 新細明體"><br />修身、齊家、治國、平天下。</span></font>

[QueensMii]

这是《论语•为政》中孔子对於自己在30岁时所达到人生状态的自我评價。原文是“吾十有五，而志於学。三十而立，四十而不惑，五十而知天命，六十而耳顺，七十而从心所欲。不逾矩”。虽然不是人人都能做孔聖人，但後人往往把孔子的这些自我评语作为人生不同阶段所应达到的生活理想状态。

[QueensMii]

So, then?