Lust, Love and Loyalty (affairs, exp sharing repost from sex board)

hi all<o:p></o:p>
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(me: 30s married)<o:p></o:p>
(ps, there's no 'point' to this little essay, I just thought that ppl here would be interested in this sharing. Yes, it's straight from the heart so it's not too structured)<o:p></o:p>
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I had been around this site for a long while now, and I have the good fortune of meeting girls that I like here. Although we started off with impure intentions and ... ethically-challenged relationships, it evolved/morphed into a discreet affair.<o:p></o:p>
Which is fine, because I believe that love spices up lust. <o:p></o:p>
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However, as I know myself really well, I would pretty quickly involved pretty deeply, hence making things a bit more complicated and less fun. Good thing is that I won't place any pressure on my lady friend, but it shows.<o:p></o:p>
Striking the balance is perhaps the key, between sensuality, sincerity and scheduling (timing)<o:p></o:p>
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my recent experience taught me something new: guilt vs gratification.<o:p></o:p>
It's a matter of loyalty actually.<o:p></o:p>
Managing a marriage is never easy, affair is not any easier either (as with any relationships). As a married guy, I see my need for lust and love (the sweetness) would fade over time. The old notion of 'knowing the need of returning home" works to an extent. It is selfish of course, but I am not posing as a Saint anyway, and I don't think this is limited to guys, wife have need too.<o:p></o:p>
Hence personally, I see marriage as a longer term relationship, and when guilt hits, I'd just put in more effort into the family to subdue the guilt.<o:p></o:p>
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Worse feelings associated are jealousy and envy, and yes those term are different. (see <a href="http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/envy/#1.2">http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/envy/#<st1:chmetcnv w:st="on" tcsc="0" numbertype="1" negative="False" hasspace="True" sourcevalue="1.2" unitname="in">1.2</st1:chmetcnv></a> ) In my case it's more envy then jealousy. Not jealous because I know what I am getting into in the first place. Dealing with envy is tricky, but I got used to it now... it does hit me at times, but hey that's life.<o:p></o:p>
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It's lust driven, love fueled relationship...<o:p></o:p>
Loyalty is the after taste.

original: http://community.she.com/messageboard/sex/?action=view.topic&id=2164973&page=2
 
 pls reply there if you have something to add