HELP! what are the signals that a boy is interested in someone?

  • I think if he is really interested, he would take the initiative to make small talk with you

  • please tell me which are right signals and which are wrong. coz i can't tell.

    1. keep looking in blog/facebook

      2. small talks on my interests

      3. comfort me at once when i'm sad

      4. look at me and smile. without saying anything

      5. dine at the places i like with some other friends

      i can't tell friendly acts from the right signals. please help me.

  • there's no such thing as a right signal or wrong signal.

    wrong signals could be misinterpreted and end up becoming right signals!

    if you're really interested in the guy, why need a signal to proceed?

    Give him a signal instead of waiting for one!

  • i'm not up to dating, especially at workplace. that's why i need to be cautious.

    and on the other way, i don't want to give wrong signals to the others too.

    1. keep looking in blog/facebook

      <--- could just be 8 gwa

      2. small talks on my interests

      <--- maybe he has the same interests too

      3. comfort me at once when i'm sad

      <--- maybe he's just a nice person

      4. look at me and smile. without saying anything

      <--- maybe you've got a lovely face, easy to smile at

      5. dine at the places i like with some other friends

      <--- doesn't mean anything at all

      Or, you could take it that he likes you.

  • First off, depending on how attractive you are, you can probably make a large number of guys interested in you if you want. All you have to do is show them you are interested and they will start to pursue you.

    Now, there are no "sure" signs, but there are a few pretty clear ones:

    1. He pays attention if you talk. Every time.

    2. He looks at you a lot. From across the room.

    3. You can make him nervous.

    4. He is eager to do you favors. Ask for his help on something small and if he seems happier after, and doesn't have to think too hard, it's a very good sign.

    For any signs, observe if he acts differently for you than for other girls.

  • btw i hate giving wrong signals to others. making me look like an easy person or what.

    i see greeting everyone on my way as an act of politeness. also looking into one's eyes when she/he is talking. and touching others' arms as a friendly act or when i want others to give way.

  • jkjk, thanks. you give me great relief that the others are "clean".

    1. keep looking in blog/facebook

      --> Yes. That's a sign. Not a definite one, but one.

      2. small talks on my interests

      --> Yes. Especially if he develops interests after he's seen you like it

      3. comfort me at once when i'm sad

      --> Yes. This is the best one. If he is sensitive to you, and especially more than anyone else.

      4. look at me and smile. without saying anything

      --> Not a strong sign unless you know he is watching you from far off.

      5. dine at the places i like with some other friends

      --> Not a good sign. Unless you notice he starts going to places you are going to, always around the same time you do...

      Here's a tip: Watch him talk to other girls. If he smiles at them the same way, comforts them the same way, then he is probably not specially interested in you. He might be interested in all girls.

  • you're welcome

    but I still think that if he's a good guy and worth it, why not send him a signal instead and let him decide?

  • wow. A.Gwailouh, you are a pick up expert!

    how can i notice if someone look at me from far off? whenever i look around, nobody would make eye contact with me. or look away. this means that nobody's interested in me?

  • Gwailo, I really have to disagree with your views on the first 3 points.

    Maybe chinese and western cultures differ quite significantly?

    1. Looking at facebook/blogs could just mean he's nosy. Heck, I look at other people's blogs/facebook entries ALL the time, doesn't mean I'm interested in them.

    2. Making small talk on interests is just the same as making small talk on the weather. It doesn't really mean anything. I do that to all my colleagues just to keep a good healthy working relationship.

    3. Comforting a person when she's sad. Gee...wouldn't you comfort someone if you knew they were sad too? If you said you were sad, I'd probably comfort you too.

  • i can't tell good guys from the bad ones. and i don't like to date guys at my workplace.

    worse still, i like to friend with almost everybody. this may give wrong impression that i am easy woman.

  • jkjk, i guess you are right.

  • mi, glad that you agree.

    Since you don't prefer workplace relationships, I would suggest that you don't take his "signals" the wrong way and just leave it at that.

  • but I still think that if he's a good guy and worth it, why not send him a signal instead and let him decide?

    by jkjk - 04/19/08 23:56

    jkjk, i like to make jokes and my fds tell me that some jokes go too far. that may sound like flirts. i'm trying to rid it. but sometimes i can't help slip of tongue.

  • It's probably that you are an outgoing person who speaks without filtering through your mind. That might be difficult for you to change all of a sudden.

    If your friends think that you sound like you're flirting, they're probably right. Maybe the solution would be to speak less to male colleagues and limit your conversations to females?

  • sure. that's why i prefer a workplace with mostly female than male. where i can chat with less cautions.

  • lately i made a wrong signal to a male friend and in turn he gave me a flirtatious signal. anyway i ignore it. what does it mean?

  • If it's a mainly female workplace, then there's probably more gossip and chatter, but definitely less confusion over male colleague infatuations

  • lately i made a wrong signal to a male friend and in turn he gave me a flirtatious signal. anyway i ignore it. what does it mean?

    <--- exactly what you mean. You gave a wrong signal, he misinterpreted, you ignored his return signal.

    There's no confusion here.

  • yes. and i know better how to handle female colleagues solely than a mix of female and male.

    i hate male's dirty talks and make jokes on my sexuality.

  • if i ignore his return signal, he knows that i'm not interested and we are "pure" again?

  • make sure you keep on ignoring his signals within the near future.

    After awhile, when he realizes that he's got it all wrong and you're not interested, only then will it be pure.

    i think pure friendship between males and females can only happen if both of them know the other is not interested. So you'll need to make him aware of that.

  • ignoring his signals doesn't mean that i should ignore him, right?

    i don't have to put on a long face or refuse all favours he does for me?

  • Correct. Just stand firm on his advances, if any.

    There's no need to spoil the current working relationship, but just keep it strictly professional only.

  • @mi

    No, I'm not a pick up artist. But I am insightful when it comes to seeing the motivations of people. Just not very good at it with myself :P


    As I said, there aren't any definite signs. Any of these could be as you said. However, these things are positive signs.

    I don't think this is a western/HK thing, but there are people with different personalities.

    Yes, people could track your Facebook just out of curiosity since they know you. But alot depends on how often they do it. Just once every few weeks maybe not. But if they visit every time you make a change? If they visit more often than you update it?

    I will visit the Facebook/MSN Space of friends I know. Especially if I see some interesting comment. But not that often.

    Yes, small talk on its own just means you are making conversation. What makes it a sign that a person is interested in you is when they take notice the things you like and remember little details that they don't of others. And if they start to take an interest in something because you like it when before they did not, then it is a sign.

    As for comforting someone when they are sad, sure most nice people would say something comforting. But there's a point when it shows that they are paying attention to your mood. It's how attentive they are, and it sounded like mi was saying they always comforted them as soon as they were sad.

    Once again, anyone could take something as a sign that someone likes them when it really isn't so. But then, these all really can be signs that a person likes them as well.

    I'd say the important thing is to look at if these things are normal for that person, or if their behavior towards you is different than with other people.

  • Gwailo, thank you for typing such a long and detailed reply. I feel obligated to reply in some form.

    Agree with your facebook/blog comment. But will have to emphasize that there really are a lot of idle people out there with nothing better to do than to check your profiles everyday.

    May not agree with your smalltalk comment, but I guess if you take it as a sign, then it'll be a sign to you even if it wasn't originally intended that way.

    Different people do their comforting in their own ways. If he is an attentive person, then he'll comfort in an attentive way even if he has zero interest.

    "anyone could take something as a sign that someone likes them when it really isn't so"

    <--- Completely agree with this comment.

    Not trying to start a flamewar here, just feel obligated to reply politely since you've taken the effort to put in such an insightful comment.

  • mi, in this case (that you are hoping he DOESN'T like you) I think it would be a good idea to make it clear you are not interested in a romantic relationship. Here are a few "signs" you can give him back:

    1. Ask him about another guy.

    2. If he tries to be sweet use the "f" word on him. I mean "friend". Tell him you're glad you're friends.

    3. Be busy when he is trying to be charming.

  • got it. a nice person will be nice to everyone. so as a nosy one.

    thank you so much for your comments. you guys are so nice.

    what keep you up late at night?

  • "Be busy when he is trying to be charming." what does it mean?

  • jkjk

    I think your points are valid. It very well could be nothing. Two sides to it. I'm just presenting the other side, not saying your viewpoint isn't the right one. I could see it being either way.

    I thought adding the detail might help mi decide for herself which way to take it.

    And there was nothing flame-like about your post. Polite disagreement is what makes discussion valuable. Even better if an agreement can be reached.

    I just hope my posting can be helpful sometimes.

  • Gwailo, thank you for your insightful comments. On your comments of how to "reject" a guy, I completely agree, great points made!

    I'm calling it a night.

    mi, good luck with your situation! follow Gwailo's advice if the guy does come on to you.

    Good night all!

  • -->"Be busy when he is trying to be charming." what does it mean?

    I mean, when he comes and tries to talk nicely and be funny, say sorry you have to do something and go do it. Don't let him play, or give you attention, or have too much small talk. You don't have to be rude, but you don't have to let him keep going.

    You can do it with a smile. "I'm sorry" smile "I really need to get to work." It will send a negative signal without making the professional relationship negative.

  • good night jkjk! have a nice dream!

    gwailo, nice comments. i will try hard. it's hard for me not paying attention to someone's talk or laugh at jokes. i guess that's my weakness. hard to reject people. ai..

  • all are gone?

  • Glad you are such a friendly person. I'm sure you will have many guys like you, and not all you will want to like you.

    I have that problem with girls sometimes because I am the nice/friendly type.

  • thanks. only if i'm not 2 sensitive, i will be happier as a friendly person.

    what kind of problem do you have with girls?

  • still here?

  • Sometimes girls will think I like them because I'm too friendly. And some girls will like me, but I won't see it until too late.

  • Sorry I didn't reply faster. On forums I usually look slowly at what people write, not like a chat.

    If you'd like to chat, that would be cool. Send email to [email protected] and I'll give you my MSN or whatever if you want.

  • i find it interesting knowing a person. what's wrong being nice and friend?

  • There's nothing wrong with being nice and a friend. It's great.

    The problem is when someone thinks "友誼 like" is "愛請 like". If one person doesn't want the other person to like them romantically, it can make then uncomfortable. If one person wants romance and the other wants friendship it can make the one who wants romance upset and cause many problems.

    Realizing that the other person only wants friendship earlier can keep a small crush or a little interest from becoming a big crush or serious interest. When the feeling is small it is easier to deal with the feeling not coming true.

    But, there's also nothing wrong with flirting with nice guys and girls who are just friends at first. You just have to be careful who you are flirting with.

  • i mix up jokes with flirts easily. coz i'm so used to a single sex environment. it's nothing serious to flirt with girls, as long as i'm not a lesbian. but to guys. a sausy joke may go far too flirtatious.

    sometimes i'm too cautious that i even reject some friendly signals as romantic ones. coz i don't want romantic like at all. it's very tired to play the defensive game.

  • In English, the word "flirting" is about attraction. You play because there is an attraction. Doesn't mean you have to do anything else, but at least it's enough to play.

    So I wouldn't say you are flirting with girls. You're just joking around with them. (The exception is if you are they are lesbian, then it could be flirting.)

    But, the same kind of joking around with boys can be seen as flirting. That's just how people think.

    You can always be direct about this. When you are playing with a guy and it seems he is flirting with you, you can always say, "I hope you didn't think I was flirting with you before. I just like to play. I like to have fun with my friends."

    I don't mind flirting with friends or coworkers. But here, I think it's different because I'm a Westerner and a guy.

  • that's the difference between guy and girl.

    girl should "behave" at their workplace. otherwise we'll be tagged as "easy woman". worse still, a girl used to making jokes with everyone will be treated as a slut.

  • by the way, what's wrong about making fun, if not making love?

  • worse still, a girl used to making jokes with everyone will be treated as a slut.

    <--- I don't think so. I'd rather think of them as outgoing and 爽

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