What you feel if your bf bought you a clock as x'mas gift?



  • I met my new bf 2 months ago and we just spent our first x'mas together.



    I told him not to buy me any electronic appliance as x'mas gift when he was thinking what to buy me.



    Later he told me that he bought me a x'mas gift which I must not like it. I thought he was only kidding. No one would be that stupid to buy a gift to his gf which he knows in advance his gf must not like it.



    But finally, I found out that he bought me an electronic alarm clock as x'mas gift.



    And he said I don't like an alarm clock just because I don't know what is good or not for myself.



  • are you late for more than 30 minutes everytime you going out with him?


    if not, dump him asap.



  • I am frustrated. I am fine with a gift which I don't like and I don't need it. But I just don't know why his mind is so strange. I told him not to buy me such kind of thing as gifts. But he ignore what I said because he thinks I don't know "what is good or bad for myself".





    Sigh ...



  • he's just cheap. what he said is not important



  • Kitty,





    If you really love him, you don't need care the gift. Gift is only a suprise. If you mind your bf, fast break up with him.



  • 我即刻同佢分手...


    咁的男人都有... 送埋d咁嘢比我...




  • does he means that you don't know if he is good or bad boyfriend? haha. . you can tell him now you know since you received such a gift !





    some guys would not invest on their new girlfriend until the relationship is stable/mature. may be he just got the alarm clock from someone else and give it to you as present.





    if you are seriously unhappy about it, the way he explain, then please tell him your feeling and hope that he can respect you next time.







  • I am not always late. Last time I was late just because I was still busy in the office.





    I don't care the gift actually. I have enough money to buy the thing I want myself. What makes me so frustrated is his strange mind.




  • Kitty,





    Maybe you try to talk with him. If he understand and love you, he will do a better into the future.



  • I did tell him my feeling but he said I don't respect him.





    I just can't communicate with him. He has a good job, good educational background and grew up in a good family. I don't understand why his mind is so strange.



  • good job, good education, good family doesnt guarantee anything, he can also be bad character, cheap and mean and selfish.



  • Jacky, he said he loves and cares me. And that's why I tried to open my heart and talked to him frankly. But his response is very negative. He doesn't take any negative comment and thinks I attack him badly.





    I just think I am wasting my time to talk to him with my heart.



  • Kitty,





    So this kind man is not suit for you. Maybe you need consider he is your dream man or not.



  • Kitty,





    I think he is not suit for you. I suggest you find a new bf.



  • Kitty,





    If he is so self-center, how can you communicate with him in the future?





    I have similar situation as yours that every time I tried to express my true feelings to my ex but he just thought that I am attacking him and our conversations ended immediately. He is the one who never "wrong" No doubt we broke up at last.



  • Actually he is not bad in some other areas. He does treat me good sometimes.





    I just feel disappointed that he never takes other's opinion to improve himself and he always thinks that he is correct.





    But anyway, thanks for you guys' opinion. Now I am sure that I am not the one who over-react because of a x'mas gift.



  • Kitty,





    Do you want keep contact with me?



  • interesting.


    other than the gift, did he take you to dinner, or cook for you? and what did you buy him?



  • Kitty,


    If you cannot communicate with him, I will say it is waste both of your times. Just tell him your feeling is good approach.



  • I cooked for him and I bought him a wallet (more than $2,000) as x'mas gift. Again, money is the key point. I just feel bad about his intention to buy me something which he knows in advance that I wouldn't like it.



  • I understand...That is werid...He seems forget wat you did say...



  • Forget this la....If you keep remember this affair, you would happy with him. Just gives him a more chance...But you should give up this relationship if you feel you cannot communicate with him...



  • I cooked for him not because he didn't want to spend money to have a fine x'mas dinner. It was just because he was sick and I didn't want to go out to eat something which is not suitable for him.





    But actually he made me angry before and after the x'mas gift event.





    Before I received the gift, he told me that he saw my photos with my ex-bf while he was alone at my home. He stayed at my home because he was sick. I trust him and let him use my computer for internet surfing to kill time. I was very angry after knowing he saw ("steal") my photos with my ex-bf. But he explained that he was only curious and wants to know me more (another strange mind). And he said I always saw his photos in his notebook.





    Yes I saw some photos in his notebook. But this was him to open the photos for me one by one. And I didn't see any photos which he didn't want to show me. But again, he doesn't understand the difference.



  • I will say man usually feel jealous and curious with his gf's ex...How old is he? May be he is not mature enough. You should tell him each other should have privacy as long as you don't cheat to him. Also, you should not be angry with him after he saw you ex's pictures. You can just tell him it is just for memory and who don't have the past?



  • I meant "he said I ALSO saw his photos in his notebook" not "always".





    After I received the gift, we went to mainland for a short hot-spring holiday. I still went to the trip with him because I thought everyone does something wrong sometimes and I should forgive him about "stealing" my photos.





    This was me to arrange the trip. He didn't have long holiday so we just went to mainland. He is not the first time to go to mainland. I think he should not expect very much on it. Right after he went to the hot-spring hotel, he complained everything from the hot-spring water, people manner, to the hotel's carpet and the poor service of the waitress at the hotel restaurant.





    He didn't appreciate the trip I arranged and complained everything.





    You may think that he may hate very much on "dirty" environment. But the fact is he went to massage and even sex trade at Shenzhen before. I "accepted" this because he was single. But I think he should not have a high standard on this. So I think he just doesn't know how to appreciate.



  • Sigh ... just want to express my hard feeling and thanks for everyone to share your opinion.





    Yes ... I decide to give up the relationship and not to see him anymore.





    Not because the x'mas gift, not because the photo's with my ex-bf, not because his complaints ... just because there are no ways to communicate with such strange guy!



  • Kitty,


    I understand you did a lot of things to make you guys happy. But unfortunately it is not success. Try to think if he did something good to you last time when you feel angry with him. He complained these and those bcoz he really don't accept it as different person have different standard.


    Men cannot control themselves especially face to sex. Once they need it and they will take it under whatever circumstances. He told you he did sex trade before is better than he lies to you, right?



  • Kitty,


    I think you should reconsider whether you should stay with him or not. First, the two of you can't communicate and this would be a very big problem in the future.


    Then he didn't appreciate what you have done for him. It would be very hard for you to go on loving him in this case.





    If I'm you, I'll leave him right away and not waste my time.



  • Kitty,


    Cheers up...Not everyone can communicate with others but it doesn't mean they are bad.


    I totally agree with you as Communication is the most important....



  • Kitty,





    Are you mind keep contact with me?



  • seems your bf has a bad manner, no way u can get on with him well.



  • I strongly suggest you to dump him ! It seems that he cannot accept the same treatment from you as he gave you in the first place ! In a relationship, everyone is equal as we all give our body & soul to trade for something we wants, which is love ! I once told my bf he can do whatever he wants to me, so long he can accept the same from me. This apply to every aspects in our life & become the principle of our life.



  • Yes maybe you didn't like the gift, but at least you can show appreciation, at Least he gave you something. And anyway, you shouldn't be telling other people what Not to buy you as a Gift in the first place.





    I don't understand why you seem to be so concern about your "privacy". Those are just photos! Oh yes they are with your ex, but If you have nothing to hide, nothing to lie, who will give a damn?





    This is so not fair for the guy, you two are just mismatch. If he is already so "negative" in your eyes, break up with him! instead of complaining here and there, finding millions of excuses to support your argument, so to have us feeling sorry for you, to have us also agree that he is a bad guy.





    Just break up and stop whining.




  • I just want to share my feeling and see how other react if they are in the same situation.





    I told him what I don't like just because I wanted to give him some hints which he told me that he didn't know what to buy.





    Everyone has privacy. I will not like my ex-bf to show my photo to his new gf too. This is kind of respect.





    Ok. I have said enough and may be too much.



  • Kitty,


    Don't think too much...express your feeling and treat yourself good...



  • Kitty: it's kind of simple...because he doesn't like you enough to devote time and money on you... I did that too..so I know how he thought. How do you know he had sex trade?



  • 只要雙方都有心去解決問題,問題便不是問題,最大的問題是沒有心去解決問題。



  • To be fair, he is not mean about money and time on me. He did bring me to some expensive restaurants for fine dinner and spent most of his spare time with me.





    The problem is communication. He is too self-centered so that he ignores my preference because he thinks I don't understand my own need.





    Yes, I will never be able to resolve the problem myself.



  • This should be a joyful festival but I feel rather upset.



  • life has a lot of stuffs...Beside love, you also have family, friends and yourself....treat yourself better.....



  • 送個鐘咪即係……





    想妳去死 lor, hohoho



  • Hope you can get some idea from the following story:





    心累了就把心事給放下來








    彼此互勉之:


    最近認識一位美國籍的出家師父,是個很有趣的事情。


    特別是他叫我舉起蕃茄汁跟他說話的經驗。





    我們約在新竹的一家茶館用英文談論著心經,師父用英文跟我解釋因果、輪迴這些事情,


    這都還不稀奇。有趣的事情在後頭呢!





    師父一聽完我跟他提到的個人煩惱的時候,他索性要我左手提起他剛買的三罐番茄汁,


    一邊提著,一邊跟他說話。可想而知,我左手感覺到疲勞的程度,跟時間成了正比。


    也懊惱著為何師父要我一邊提著三罐蕃茄汁,一邊跟他說話。





    受不了這樣的酸楚,我自行把左手放下,


    卻聽到師父跟我說:「Hold it up, and keep talking to me.」


    聽到這樣的話,心理不免起了疑心,


    我手提的那麼酸,為何不讓我放下手上的重物,輕鬆地與他對談?





    約莫過了15分鐘,我的左手實在承受不住了,


    才聽見師父跟我說:「Now you can put it down.」。


    看著我狐疑的臉,師父居然笑了出來。





    「你不喜歡提著重物跟我說話,為何你卻喜歡帶著煩惱來跟我說話,過著你的生活呢?


    手酸了,放下就好,對待煩惱,不也是這樣?


    或是這些煩惱就像是那些番茄汁一樣,是你自己用手把它們給舉起來的呢?」





    有趣的經驗,對吧?





    最近我開始這樣的練習,一手舉起有重量的東西,一邊想著事情。


    手酸了,自然會放下手上的東西,


    看看有一天,我會不會也學到,心累了,就把心事給放下來。 --





    我們能很容易的放下有形的重物,卻很難放下無形的重擔。


    執著的人生會讓自己承擔莫需有的重擔。


    所以學習放下執著也就在學習人生自在。




  • bring to expensive restaurant is different because he is part of it and he gets to it. I am talking about exclusively spending money on you. Perhaps u should buy him something he doesn't like and see what he will respond



  • Hey clock, thanks for your story. It's hard to "放下".





    I just want something very simple, a simple life, a simple family, ... no need to be rich but need to be peaceful.



  • 懶高深,扮哂魚蝦蟹



  • I agree....Simple is the best...but I know it is hard to do it...but just let times bypass all the memories...I know you can do it...everyone can do it..



  • wes, buying him something he doesn't like ... haha ... your suggestion is a bit weird. Maybe he thinks I was mean too to arrange a cheap mainland trip for him :-p





    Ok, just forget it.



  • 要出洋文先有回應?





    me know little english


    me study less book


    dont ha me



  • did you pay for the trip? I guess u need to wait longer to see the real truth of him..



  • Oh yes I paid it but it's just of little money. Money is not the real concern. You know, as I said, I can't communicate with him. I do really think he should change his strange mind for his own good.