婚外情

傷心的紫羅蘭
 要對自已好d, 千期唔好唔食野, 要食得好, 瞓得好, 雖然開頭好難, 但係時間可以沖淡一切, 千期唔好諗埋一邊.

今早有人傳SMS給我, 叫我一夜情, 真是甚麼樣的世界, 如此的隨便, 難怪這麼多人有外遇,如果我喜歡偷情的話, 那就不會那麼的痛苦了, 姊妹們, 加油呀.

this is my friend's case.
 
 he had an affair and was found out by his wife, (she knew every single detail of his affair.) they have 2 sons. now he is trying to rebuild the relationship with his wife. but he told me it has been very difficult bcoz his wife lost temper very easily and blame every fault on him.
 This kind of things happen every single minute, when you look back, it's nothing. With or Without him in your life is the same, treat yourself better lar. If he claimed he is still confusing about his relationship with the other party, make the decision for him.

tulip ,
 你講有d人仍會質疑個女人係咪硬頸, 因為自己有經濟能力而唔為仔女有個完整的家著想, 而選擇離婚o個個問題, 我而家仲諗緊係, 我擇離左忍耐, 其實又唔係全部為左d仔女, 自已都想比多次機會佢, 其實當件事發生左, 個人真係好亂, 剩係識喊, 又唔知點同人講, o個種感覺到而家仲記得.........

係呀, 千期唔好為左報復而做d平時唔做o既野.......

micmic
 我有試過為細路而忍(已經係第二次外遇), 我仲天真到以為自己可以忍到佢第三次時先離婚, 但原來好難受, 日日對住佢但完全無心, 諗吓佢點對個女人好, 個心仲痛.
 到我想開口時, 佢已經高姿態走佢個女人面前打電話俾我提離婚. 原來有d嘢決定咗, 個人會好輕鬆. 個心都定好多...
 
 我知我無辦法忍, 但我唔知對細路係好定唔好.

ii
 How old are you and your daughter now?
 My twin babies are only 10 months now. I had thought of dying too. But who will take care of my babies? I didnt want my babies to have step mothers. And I really want to see them grow. Larger and larger each day. They are so cute and adorable. But to think of living on my own for the rest of my life, with no husband to pamper, no one to love...which I really need..., that's really painstaking and heartbreaking.
 But do you still live with your husband when he is still hanging with another woman?

今早有人傳SMS給我, 叫我一夜情, 真是甚麼樣的世界, 如此的隨便....
 by nickname 傷心的紫羅蘭 - 06/04/07 12:08
 
 see? you are still attractive ah....

我條命依家最寶貴, 我病我死我d細路就無人理架喇~
 如果我死, 細路交返俾佢, 只會多兩個乞兒. 唔得~~~~
 大家咬緊牙關, 當小朋友大時, 回頭睇, 你自己都會proud of yourselves!!!!!!咁辛苦都捱得過呢~

our of side=our of mind 起碼佢都識返屋企...
 睇開d吧~
 by 路人甲 - 06/01/07 19:23
 
 
 有屁用？行屍走肉咁，係屋企剩係食，瞓同有隻豬係樹有乜分別？　如果香港生活質數高啲，女人可以獨立啲，唔使靠男人．

tulip,
 我老公今次係第二次, 我都知道好可能有第三次, 佢今次都話走, 我冇留佢, 我剩係同佢講: 離婚, 你估我係最傷o個個? 可能我會唔開心一排, 但之後我會冇事, 我仲會識過第二個tim......, 一段婚姻要結束, 如果有小朋友, 傷害最深
 o既一定係佢地, 我地將來各自有另一半時, 佢地又有d咩.......一個唔開心o既童年, 如果你係決定左咁做, 我希望你自已親自同d小朋友講........

我既處境同你地差不多, 我選擇分開。當一個男人對你無左愛既時侯覺得好似世界沒日，但我仲害怕做一個被動角色，每日等佢番屋企，對佢有希望個種感覺。好彩我無细路加上係經濟上可以照顧到自己，我覺得知道自己條路點行個心踏實好多。屋企人同朋友係身邊好緊要！
 成日同自己講要争氣，每個人既經歷都唔同，身邊都有friend離婚仲有小朋友，佢都好positive。佢而家學緊命理，師父話佢條命係會離婚，即使再結都會離。佢知道之後反而開心d，因為可以尊心凑女，有人追就拍下拖，唔使怨自己做得唔夠好，條命唔好...佢話知命知足個人會開心d。呢點我非常認同，有時自己做得幾好，對方唔珍惜唔體諒都無用！

我都係日日對住佢有時會好憎佢, 但係其實當佢想改過時, 佢其實都好需要人支持, 雖然佢係做錯左, 但如果我成日諗佢o既錯, 不如諗多d佢o既好, 咁個人會開心d.......我咁樣諗係咪好傻呀.........

I have same thinking like micmic too. But I am not sure if he really wants to turn back. He stays at home every saturday and sunday to help, and in the weekdays, he comes two to three nights to have dinner. He bought me slippers when he saw mine was torn, he bought me a Prada purse on my first mother's day, he helps to wash toys of babies, and asks me to rest and eat more...and he calls 2 to three times a day to me to see if babies and me are ok. But he never says somethings about rebuilding or not...so I am very confusing too. I dont want to believe there is hope but actually that's illusion. Please comment on his behaviour.

My case is we dont have any kid and dont have any financial problem, he said he had no feelings on the other party and stopped before I found out, so we are attending marriage counselling course twice a month, he said he still loves me and hope to have a 2nd chance, he treats me very good now, but before he treated me good too, everyone thought that we are perfect couple.
 
 I am not sure whether I should give him 2nd chance.

Dedicate the song which I posted earlier for him, this will wake him up - My love will get you home.
 
 Dont get angry where he is around, be nice to him, express your love to him which I do this everyday except I cry quite often then I tell him that I need his empathy and attention.

tulip replied 59 mins ago :
 佢已經高姿態走佢個女人面前打電話俾我提離婚...
 
 當時這個男人已經完全真面目, 很可怕, 無情的時候, 甚麼事也可以做出來, 我體會到你的感受.

micmic1003 replied 51 mins ago :
 
 我老公今次係第二次, 我都知道好可能有第三次....
 
 你是怎麼知道他有兩次的外遇, 是找人去查還是自己看到??

哈哈, 紫羅蘭, 我正正因為呢d"可怕"先醒得咁快, 真係咁易放低十幾年感情咩?!!! 仲有更可怕既說話我無post咋~
 
 各位, 我家變後明咗好多道理, 其中一個問題我會反思: 究竟乜嘢原因先會令一個唔再愛你男人從新愛上你? 佢因為唔夠愛你先有外遇, 咁係乜嘢令佢"再"愛上你而返轉頭?

miiiii, 我覺得你丈夫應該還有一些內疚之心, 不然怎麼會回來看你們, 他現在每逢星期六和日都回來和你們一齊, 或許是補償BB失去的愛吧, 當然有可能是表面功夫, 也說不定會破鏡重圓, 也許交給時間.

Tulip: 佢因為唔夠愛你先有外遇, 咁係乜嘢令佢"再"愛上你而返轉頭?
 
 I agree with you, maybe we can think of this way, think of the happy days before, if we can love him with real love, I think one day he will understand because I believe in God, so it is my religion which kept me going.

但我唔信愛會重來...

I watched few movies with him recently, "Conversations with God", "生日快樂" & "再說一次我愛你" - we both cried when we watched these movies, and learnt that with LOVE & kindness in one's heart, everything is possible. Tell him that the one who dare to destroy others marriage doesnt carry a kind heart.
 
 Psychaistists said that 2nd marriage is usually fragile, the divorce rate is much higher than the 1st one.
 
 Maybe I am so naive to have these thinking because I only think with real love (selfness love, self-sacrifice love), he will know what I h.
 
 I have been waiting for him for six months, however I am not sure whether I have to give him this chance. I am so scared.

Tulip
 
 我好佩服你既勇氣同積極!!!

Tulip, 我覺得除非是他們散了, 或是有一天玩厭了,不過通常最大的機會是受到挫折....他才會想到妻子是最好的.

Nic, 你有宗教信仰, 這是好事, 起碼可以精神寄託

自強, 那麼現在你是一個人住嗎? 如何解決孤獨的感覺?

nic
 
 一個仲有良心同仲愛你既男人會想作出補償，因為佢知錯。但一個已經唔愛你同無良心既男人，即使做d乜去感動佢都無用。我個件就係後者！

多謝你自強~ 我的小孩令我要積極, 如果唔係, 又係3個乞兒的故事了~~ hahaha
 
 但我心底, 著實覺得虧欠咗佢哋...

我果件都係後者
 
 人既guilty feeling只會維持3年左右, 看著瞧吧~ 我件人板證明了...

傷心的紫羅蘭 - yes, for these days, I really thank God that he walks with me. But actually I attempted to kill myself 2 times.
 
 I am still very emotion, I express my feelings to him by sending an email to him everyday, saying that how much I hurt or how much I appreciate for what he has done to me recently. I think sometimes he needs some encouragement too otherwise he will get frustrated. I was a happy girl surrounded by lots of love from family & friends, but when this happens to me, it's the end of the world. I didnt tell anyone becos I dont want them to worry about me and dont want them to have a bad impression on him. I am still protecting him, but I chose to tell his mom.

紫蘿蘭
 我唔需要佢想到我好, 佢講緊離婚時, 都話我係好老婆. 吹漲~ 唔愛就係唔愛, 點好都無用.
 我亦唔需要佢回頭, 佢可以慳返~
 我無嬲呢個人離開, 但佢對我既傷害我無法原諒佢. 只要以後不見就心滿意足了~

傷心的紫羅蘭
 sorry to type in english as I got to run in a minute, english will be faster ^^
 I still live with him until next month. i don't feel lonely now as i have friends and family with me. my father died a few monthes ago, he still said something to hurt me, so I feel disappointed on him.
 what I feel bad is my job (a wedding planner), I felt bad when I was attending couples's ceremony in the church or in the city hall, getting much better now!!!

'佢因為唔夠愛你先有外遇, 咁係乜嘢令佢"再"愛上你而返轉頭?'
 This sentence is very reflective.
 He must not love me enough...especially when he noticed that I was carryiny twin babies...he said he was afraid of becoming a father...to high pressure for him...
 I have been thinking of what to make him love me again...
 I went to slim myself which had been done...now only 95 lbs. I was always wearing black, now i have colourful and cartoon tees..., I even wear mini skirts...
 I am eating Imedeen to make my skin looks better...
 I have done a lot la......., just that I am not sure if he had noticed or not...
 I really hate him and ....men.
 I am doing all these because I know I still love him ( though not as much as before ) and hope that children could be raised in a normal family...

Tulip: 人既guilty feeling只會維持3年左右
 
 I read your reply about this last nite, I was so shocked to read this cos I have never thought of this in my mind, that's the reason why I am still scared to make a decision. I also had a bad dream last nite -we got divorced.

miiiiii
 唔係你做d乜令佢再愛你, 而係佢會因為乜嘢原因由唔愛到又愛返. 你唔使做咁多嘢喇, 係愛你既, 你唔做佢都愛. 你問吓未嫁佢時, 你自己會唔會刁蠻d? 結咗婚你係咪溫婉咗? 點解以仲愛得你多d? 反而依家唔係?
 唔係你既問題, 係佢難抵平淡, 咁你又可以點追?
 
 nic
 我問過社工朋友, 佢都話人既傷心期只係3年. 原理一樣...

Tulip
 
 keep bring positive things to your kids, you are a good mother!! keep going!!!

其實零三年發生的事情,到了現在我也沒有跟他的父母講出來, 原因是他們本身就甚少溝通,老人家管不了他,我覺得應該放在最後的一步才行, 也許要忘記他曾經犯過的錯, 實在是需要一段很長的時間.

Tulip
 
 唔係你做d乜令佢再愛你, 而係佢會因為乜嘢原因由唔愛到又愛返. 你唔使做咁多嘢喇, 係愛你既, 你唔做佢都愛. 你問吓未嫁佢時, 你自己會唔會刁蠻d? 結咗婚你係咪溫婉咗? 點解以仲愛得你多d? 反而依家唔係?
 唔係你既問題, 係佢難抵平淡, 咁你又可以點追?
 really agree!!!
 
 I have been thinking about the relastionship that I was having among my ex boyfriends. If I still love someone, I can wait, I can forgive even he is really bad to me. But for those I don't love, even he killed himself in front of me (example), I don't really care (just felt scared).

I really have to run now!!!
 
 Will come and talk to you guys later this evening!!! ^^

我也認同Tulip講的話, 他愛你的話,甚麼也不用做.

As a women who had been pained before, i feel so sad reading all these massages. There are so many extra-marital affairs happening nowadays.... sometimes i wonder what these 3rd parties are thinking! Don't they have some sort of moral standards? And worse, is our husbands!!! How can they do such thing to us? Where was the love that we once had???
 But put aside anger, what matters most is our own well-being. We can't control what others do, but we must take good care of ourselves!
 I went through a whole year of devastation. Thinking back, it's like insanity! But I kept thinking I cannot disappoint my parents and I must live a better life!
 And here I am, leading a wonderfully happy life.
 Although I don't know any of you in person, I really want each of you to be in better condition. And it's really up to YOU to make this happen!

自強, 我會的! =)
 我最驚令孩子對婚姻無信心
 
 miiiii
 我瘦到94磅, 佢都嫌我肥, 我可以點? 我點都唔會再係20歲, 我要點追?
 我依家唔使驚佢嫌我肥, 鍾意食乜就食乜, 肥返1x磅喇, 幾好呀~
 
 尋日同朋友傾計(嘻~ 我成日煩我d朋友)
 發覺原來女人真係好叻, 唔只學識叻咗, 而係做人智慧, 性格, 處理關係, 忍耐....各樣各樣, 女人都可以好叻~
 女人們, 加油啦~

自強, 我覺得你們都很堅強, 努力向前走是治療創傷的靈藥, 每個人的故事都不容易渡過, 看到你們的, 我都覺得很感觸.

Notes:
 My ex-husband and myself worked in the same company, and he had an affair with this 23 years old girl who worked with us. After 1 year of devastation, I divorced with him... and got another job. It's like starting life all over again. It's not been easy... but then, things can only get better if you have courage!
 It's been 3 years.... and I have forgiven both my ex and the girl!

jojo
 唔係第三者諗乜, 係個出軌者諗乜
 第三者無義務幫我保守我段婚姻, 我前夫先係難辭其疚者.
 我前夫個第三者scolded to me話: 我只想有個男人對我好!
 佢又講得啱喎, 要怪咪怪自己果件肯去對人好囉~
 
 他朝君體也相同, 今時今日, 她check得他很緊, 慌卦?!!!

If this is true that means I have to prepare that he will break his promise again.
 
 I find it very hard to become a wife nowadays as there are so much temptation in this world and it likes norm, you can go to other page that there are so many people to find SL or SP, dont they know that this is not love.
 
 "Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude.
 Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.
 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.
 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.
 All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever."

末世代, 大家都求一刻快感...
 
 jojo
 我都覺得回頭望, 自己好似好叻咁, 可以跨過
 原來行動比想像中無咁難...
 加油加油

The 3rd party thinks that they can win, it's really sad.

sure