四十歲

40+

Great...interesting! I am always looking for views from men, perhaps that may help me to make a reasonably rational decision here.

(5) Worst come to worst, even if the wife ran away or pick a divorce, it would only mean that i shall have more room and privacy to continue with what i am already doing.

==> this point strikes me...so what you mean here is men normally "prepared" to have divorce, right? It's just only a matter of fact that they dun want to be the one to propose, then they will not be charged as a sinner in the case, am I correct? So that means they know the "consequence" pretty clear and still willing to take that risk? even though he still treasure his wife and family?

I do not mean to comment on anybody's act and views here, but just wanna try to put things in another angle...hey...40+....may I ask:

1) What would you feel if found out that your wife did the same thing to you (flirt around?) Would you accept that and forgive her?

2) How would you comment about the word "respect" in terms of a marriage relationship? I suppose there are certain non-written but mutually-agreed behaviour that both should demonstrate in order to keep the marriage in a harmonized way? So I would say, stand away from possible temptations or dun let yourself exposed to those temptation would be a proper act here?

3) I understand that no two persons could be the same, and as time goes by, you may find the other half hard to adapt to - but - is "flirting around" or even sex with others are considered as proper ways to balance such bad emotion? Are there any other things that one may do to overcome such emotion, e.g. what you said, fishing? Know more friends to share, 呻, etc?

Can I say that "finding another woman to balance" is simply an excuse a man would use to complement on this unacceptable behaviour only?

Your views pls.

bee80:

Well...I do not have age discrimination here, though I would say young guys may not understand my problem bcos of their life experience. But you seem to be able to catch up with me. Thanks for listening and share your thoughts, anyway. ^^

在我黎講...我唔係唔想擴闊朋友圈子, 識多幾個 friend and share my thoughts, but somehow ...我響我個行業入面都算係人面幾廣, 好多人都識我, 因此我揀朋友要好小心, 唔係話 only worry people will spread around my "secrets", 而係就算有d人好心都一樣可以做壞事, e.g. 同另一d人提起 my case, 我同我老公響人地眼中係好冇問題既一對 (個個仲話佢對我不知幾好 etc), 佢個樣 or behaviour with us 係完全正常到不得了, 因此冇人知我背後有此一個 story, 我亦唔想佢響人地心目中既形像會冇哂....so it's really difficult for me to talk about it to others, you know?

江湖閱歷令我學識要慎言, 呢點好老實, 係要見得世面多, 俾人出賣得多既人就會明我講乜唉

me40too

Holy Smoke, this is getting a little.....how should i put it...technical..haha but i shall see if i can manage to put it into words...in particular, in bloody English.

(5) Worst come to worst, even if the wife ran away or pick a divorce, it would only mean that i shall have more room and privacy to continue with what i am already doing.

==> this point strikes me...so what you mean here is men normally "prepared" to have divorce, right? It's just only a matter of fact that they dun want to be the one to propose, then they will not be charged as a sinner in the case, am I correct? So that means they know the "consequence" pretty clear and still willing to take that risk? even though he still treasure his wife and family? <------ (Yes, Men are more willing to take the risks, thats why you see more male gambler in public, whereas ladies tends to play Majok instead. Its not that we dont treasure the marriage but rather we don't realise how importance it is until we lost it.)

.

1) What would you feel if found out that your wife did the same thing to you (flirt around?) Would you accept that and forgive her? <---- (No, I cannot accept it even my GF cheated on me).

2) How would you comment about the word "respect" in terms of a marriage relationship? I suppose there are certain non-written but mutually-agreed behaviour that both should demonstrate in order to keep the marriage in a harmonized way? So I would say, stand away from possible temptations or dun let yourself exposed to those temptation would be a proper act here? <------ (Respect comes in many forms, just because my wife don;t sleep around doesn't mean I can't because there were certain things I never tempted on her yet she does it on a regular basis, such as cursing my parents and hardly allow me to touch her, let alone the sex part, I also need the biological balancing too).

3) I understand that no two persons could be the same, and as time goes by, you may find the other half hard to adapt to - but - is "flirting around" or even sex with others are considered as proper ways to balance such bad emotion? Are there any other things that one may do to overcome such emotion, e.g. what you said, fishing? Know more friends to share, 呻, etc? <------- (No, sex is not, but having someone to talk to is. So, I never look out for a sex partner. Although male listener would be just as good as female ones, supposedly, but dont you think that a shoulder to lean at and a cuddle would be most desired when you are down and low. I don't think i can bear doing that to a fella, at least not when i am still a straight guy. Although I do fishing to heal my wounds but......16yrs of fishing is rather inpractical , right?)

Can I say that "finding another woman to balance" is simply an excuse a man would use to complement on this unacceptable behaviour only? <------ (in view of what i said, i think this Question already has an answer, right?)

P.S. Despite of what i admitted, by no means i am a go easy person in terms of sex

me40too

你係明星嚟架??? omg.

吾開心可以 bring along a bottle of wine (small size becos they often come with an easy to open turn and twist cap), sat at one of the beaches along Old Castle Peak road and drank it while watching the Tsing Ma bridge with MP3 music as background. Damn cool and romantic. I used to do on days with lousy mood, just after my work shift end as i travel home from Northern NT

me40too, wanna share with me in msn?

40+

OK...good to have somebody to discuss with me about this...let me see...some more questions here (hoho.....hope u dun find too trouble here, but I just wanna get things clear)

Its not that we dont treasure the marriage but rather we don't realise how importance it is until we lost it

==> so do you mean that if once my man lost his family, he will know what he treasures? But isn't that a big gamble here? I mean for me too...I do not want to take "leaving" as a threat to him, for me, if I go, no return. That's why I feel so hard to make a decision.

No, I cannot accept it even my GF cheated on me

==> see? That's what he told me too...but then why men put a two-sided ruler here? They dun feel it's a problem when they do it , but feel bad when the one they care do it? Isn't that very selfish here? So in other words, do I have the "right" to stop such behaviour?

Respect comes in many forms, just because my wife don;t sleep around doesn't mean I can't because there were certain things I never tempted on her yet she does it on a regular basis, such as cursing my parents and hardly allow me to touch her, let alone the sex part, I also need the biological balancing too

==> hmm...my case is a bit different from you here, if your wife continuously do that, well...哎....your decision may have a base here (though I still think there may be other alternatives)...but my case is: I am happy to sex with him, I even "learn" to please him - even though I did not enjoy too much....but he still find it not excited enough....at least not as excited as trying new women (that's what he told others)

No, sex is not, but having someone to talk to is

==> so you mean men need sex, no matter how old he is, right? then your problem lies only on this area?

dont you think that a shoulder to lean at and a cuddle would be most desired when you are down and low

==> of course that is great...somehow I find my hubby cannot share my concern, he is good at listening, yes, stay with mouth shut and listen, that's all... but sorry that I am a problem-solver, I can't stand for having ??? in my mind....that's why I am alway proactive to look for ways to resolve our problem, but sorry that I am tired now as I found I am always the one to do that, but not him.

by no means i am a go easy person in terms of sex

==> ic...so do you have any sl/sp now?

我都係結了婚十多年的男人，仲好可能大過您們很多，亦曾想過離婚，但真是拿不出勇氣，自問婚後從沒做過任何越軌行為，不過真的覺得自已愈來愈不適合婚姻生活！愈來愈喜歡獨處，對於婚姻這回事，我想我都可以發表些小意見，很多人都說兩個人生活在一起，要什麼包容、什麼體諒、什麼互相遷就、其實那有這樣容易做到，要兩個思想、習慣、品性不同的人住在同一屋簷下數十年真的不容易，以我的經驗其實什麼都可以不用做到，但有一樣做不到的話，什麼都不用說，是什麼，就是"忍"！如果忍得就可以白頭到老，不能忍的話，除左各行各路無其他選擇！問題是要做到"忍"真的是太難！太難！

40+

吾開心可以 bring along a bottle of wine (small size becos they often come with an easy to open turn and twist cap), sat at one of the beaches along Old Castle Peak road and drank it while watching the Tsing Ma bridge with MP3 music as background

==> That' cool...but 可惜我唔識飲酒, 亦唔鍾意 (冇人信, 個個都以為我乜都得), 我曾諗過落老蘭識下 friend ...呵呵...不過唔通落到去叫 Coke? 一把年紀唔想再俾人笑喎...

Drive, yes, I can....but my parking skills is really bad.....有人 drive me 就唔拘, 我一見自己 15 mins 都泊唔入一個位就想死...

我成日都話, 工作上我係 100 分, 但生活上我係一個極度依賴既女人 only, 係d人唔信, 成日乜都要我做...做做下個個以為我係超人, 久而久之我都要做個超人樣比人睇....

有得揀, 我想下世寧個 36-24-35 既白痴女人, 得閒被人撩下就算...呵呵....佢地都好快樂哇...

big man:

What is your MSN?

男人四十幾:

問題是要做到"忍"真的是太難

==> 我好明, 在我黎講...我都唔係要對方"忍"我, 我自問係一個好理性之人 (都叫讀過下書, 唔係一般屋村 C9 ar) 睇野亦可以好 open , 只係對方一直唔肯去面對個問題就真係好難搞....真係各有各煩惱~~~

me40too....lets share in [email protected]

i am back

40+

VB == victoria bitter

I am headache free this week.

thank god

there's much i shall learn from you.

your plan to stick with the marriage?

me40too

I might be old but by no meams that I am going to go throught all that troubles to copy and paste your questions and put answers after them , then ended up having to post it in two parts because the message became too lengthy like last one... Hohoho..

So, instead, let see.

You dont have to start a divorce to alert him. How about move out with no definite date for return and if he asked for when, then you should response by saying that will depend on what measures you will do to make up the short falls; just like what i did earlier. It might not heal the problem for good but at least it will bring things back onto the right track and make it bearable for a while.

Yes , u ve the right to voice out anything u think is unjust, include him having a diff set of rules.

What i wish for as a family man is having my wife sit next to me and allow me to cuddle her in the living room while we were watching TV after a long tiring day of work, she doesn't like it at all and rejects my request all along. I need a cuddle badly. Surely having sex with another woman for the very first time would be exciting, be it with a beauty queen, or the maid from next door. But the problem is the often u do it, the less excited you will feel about the whole issue. Women, as well as car or even video game. New stuff brings excitment, gets bored in time, no matter what or who.

Yes my problem lies with a GOOD LADY FRD. to bed or not , its not an issue. What could be worse than a having a great F but then found out she is a bitch.

If you two appreciate each others, you won't be spending time here but doing work instead la...sweetie!!!

Do i have a sl/sp now.. Haha.. good question. I don't know how to classify my situation.

Well, I ended my two yrs long relationship with my girlfriend a few months ago, now, eveyday seems to be a rainny day to me. Yet, there is this lady who had been desparatly wishing to go to bed with me and she did had her wish honoured a couple of times lately. So, what would u cat that?

40+,

u sound like a great charming man like 007

ladies are Qing up to go to bed with with.

40+

Hooo...you know what, I do wish I were a man in my next life (if there is one), so that I can experience such excitement by bringing different women to bed ==> that's what my hubby said , perhaps by that time I will know more about how men think and be able to work around all those strange values in my eyes.

What i wish for as a family man is having my wife sit next to me and allow me to cuddle her in the living room while we were watching TV after a long tiring day of work, she doesn't like it at all and rejects my request all along.

==> oh...too bad...this is just the opposite, I always long for my hubby to cuddle me but not successful even if I wear sexy lingerie.....(or I should say if I ask for, he will do it, but I feel a bit bad that I am the one to ask for? But he is the the to ask for the same thing to another woman?)

May I ask if you still "love" your wife or not? or just bcos of responsibility that you stay with her?

For me, I'd rather expect my hubby said to me one day that "dear, I dun love you anymore" so that I can go and bless him all the best in the future....however, he is just the other way round, saying that he loves me everyday (that keeps me not 忍心 to leave him) but at the same time saying erotic stuff with other women, I can't really figure out what's his intention here.

If you two appreciate each others, you won't be spending time here but doing work instead la

==> yes, that's why I am headache and desparately wish to find somebody to talk to...but as I said above, not easy....

Yet, there is this lady who had been desparatly wishing to go to bed with me and she did had her wish honoured a couple of times lately.

==> so you did it and having fun with that? haha..excuse me to be a bit nosy here....

beer:

haha...so you wanna learn from him? Do it after 16 years sin la....

somehow entering 40's makes me tired to start everything all over, that's where my headache comes from...to stand for or to let go?

人生總有高低~~起起落落, 能夠睇開真係唔係咁易...!!!

＞＞＞＞唔知自己算唔算睇得開．不過當人面對生離死別會感到無奈無助同自己如何渺小．當放下執著凡事從多個角度睇，見到的景物會好唔同．例如婚姻，一向以為自己賢良淑得．持家有道．當反面時，竟然被對方駡忍我好耐夠了．細節不說了．現在的想法是．合則來不合則去．做人幾十年．大半世都過去了．強留一個唔開心的人在身邊．自己也不會活得好．不如放手．讓大家好好過埋餘生．另外．人生要珍惜的實在太多．hehe，我而家生活非常充實．又多師奶fd．嘻嘻哈哈又一day．有工做有收入已經比好多人好．無左味當賭輸左．

beer

lucky u...

Yes, I intend to stay in the marriage as long as i could. I don't believe in perfect marriage and I dont believe in Ms Right.

Yup, sure, there is bound to be better person out there but the world won't accept people or should i say that I dont accept myself dump the old one for the sake of a new or apparent betrter one.

I am not charming, I just like to talk, in an honest way. The only time i lie is to my wife against existance of affairs

me40too

The older you get the wiser you will be. When you are wise, you will know when to pretend dumb and when to shout, or perhaps teh reason why you have to "bear with", like 近五張 said.

I used to drink a lot but quited a few years ago when i had to attend to my terminally ill father on a regular basis. Now that he is gone and my GF has left, I had been thinking to pick up the good old habit.

My driving skill is good but my skill to avoid those hidden Speed Radar sxxks, thats why i only have bloody 3 points left!!!!

NO, I don't really enjoy it. I did it with her on the first time is becos of appreciation of her help. The second round was a bit dramatic.

me40too

How long have you been married,as i assumed u must be married , right?

beer

how about u? and what kind of beer was it that you were referring to? Never heard of it. I personally like Draft Bitter. Hate wine now... poshy stuff for pretended poshy ppl

近五張:

不過當人面對生離死別會感到無奈無助同自己如何渺小．當放下執著凡事從多個角度睇，見到的景物會好唔同

==> 我一早已經係咁.....但就係因為我睇既野闊佢好多, 所以大家有好多野都唔同諗法...maybe 我係太 long term looking, 好多時我知有d野要做我都可以做到 (我識得多過佢添), 但我唔會因為我知個後果可以係好嚴重, 但對方唔係, 做左至算, 大家唔同步, 咁先難頂....

做人幾十年．大半世都過去了．強留一個唔開心的人在身邊．自己也不會活得好．不如放手．讓大家好好過埋餘生

==> 你依家咁點生活...are you living alone? 我有諗過想去識下d同我生活圈子好唔同既人..但又冇乜 channel ....又怕人認得 (好煩) 因為d 人識我唔識我一知我有 family 都會好"關心"咁問 "你老公冇陪你既?" or "你唔駛陪老公呀?" etc...攞命, 我鍾意講大話, 但又唔想答, 咁點...??

嘻嘻哈哈又一day

==> 我都想, 我最想有一日訓醒連自己係邊個都唔記得就好了.

>I am not charming, I just like to talk, in an honest way

talking honest gets me no chicks... haha

avoiding affairs can be very difficult for men, and even for women these days.

It is our hormone driving us nuts

it is a matter of 個人修養 to get pass our ego frame of mind

近五張

I really admire your attitude.

I wish my EQ could become as positive as yours. I spitted up with my GF and everyday i had been feeling sorry for myself, I even did silly things like young kids. How pity

40+

VB is a famous Australia beer.

never mind. it aint popular in HK.

I drink everything with alcohol

40+

haha....I got 15 points on hand ga....becos I seldom drive, shall I sell some points to you?

I never go speeding , bcos I am so 膽小...see...I am not as courageous as what other may think I am...hehe..

Once the meter goes up to 80km, my heart will beat fast.....

how long I get married ==> yup...a number of years la.....

you will know when to pretend dumb and when to shout, or perhaps teh reason why you have to "bear with", like 近五張 said.

==> that's what I am struggling now....I keep asking myself, why should I do that provided that I am financially, ability-wise, outlook-wise still good enough? That's a struggle between love and self esteem here.

when i had to attend to my terminally ill father on a regular basis

==> sorry to hear that, but I have gone through more than this kind of pain...去世既人好與壞一切都會灰飛煙滅, 大家再無愛恨, 痛苦既只係在世既人一切一切既回憶, 我想忘記, 但...可以嗎..??

me40too

U just be careful of starting something which you couldn;t bear the consequences as well. Unless you give a thought on what you are willing to accept if it even happens; such as someone take advantage of you; someone got madly in love or in need or you.. etc.

beer

u pinched my nick))))))))))) Say sorry sin ar

40+

I even did silly things like young kids

==> ooopps.....can't imagine that happen to a man (man used to come and go easily with love, right?) and esp a man of 40+ (you should have been with more than 1 woman ga la) how come you still can't control yourself....?

But I would be happy if my BF could treat me like this....^^

me40too

Thanks for offering your points bor, so next time when I do get another ticket of 5 points demerited, I shall email to you lor.

you struggle because you too treasure the marriage. I dare to say, in most cases the first marriage would be better than any other subsequent ones, so don't initiate the divorce unless your bottom line is tempered.

sorry,

typo

me40too

Love is bloody strange thing. When you wish for it to come, it never does. When you found someone finally, there will oftetn be more coming at you at the same time to test you one way or another. Finally when you decided who is the best, it often ended up you made the Frigging wrong choice.

When you feel regret of the mistake you made, it is defintely too late for going back.

Life is full of surprises and frustration, so my logic is, why dont make myself happen when things are still under my control/.

beer

sorry is not good enough. OK, lets see. tell me where to get that beer you metioned then.

metoo40,

btw, what do u do for work?

any sxxkers from office chase you?

since it sounds that you are still attractive and young looking

40+

How can you get 5 points deducted each time....the worst time I have is a 5 points deduction bcos I bumped my car to the car in my front, hehe.....and no more la...my record is clean ga...

喂..sell points mean you have to pay ga!! No free lunch in the world wa...

My bottom line is now being seriously tempered...that's why headache la...the worse thing is he still didn't notice my emotional change, still think that I will be fine after 呻-ing for a few days....

This time I decided not to talk to him anymore but through other channels

40+

u should be able to get them from most pubs in wan chai

u can also get single gals together with some VB from most pubs in wan chai too

40+

why dont make myself happen when things are still under my control/.

==> yes, this is something I agree but dare not do so...haha....maybe there are a lot of boundaries to me around ar....I am learning to break through~~

beer:

btw, what do u do for work?

==> shu...remember I said I am somebody in my field? Dare not disclose too much, too many big mouths around.... :P

it sounds that you are still attractive and young looking

==> all men think I am 幸福 enough la ma...so never thought that I still need love, haha...

beer

men dont always look at women by their look, some take boobs as key factor whereas loves legs. hohoho..now, i show my true dirty old self ere.

me40too

speeding lor.... those short lengths to road where they changed from 70 or 80 to 50 lor... ding, it all happened when i drove to fishing in the middle of the night or dead early morning.

Holy... u only dare to go up to 80?? You must be that lady i was with in the same mini-bus the other night who scream out loud as hell when the warning speedometer beeps from speeding

40+

some take boobs as key factor whereas loves legs

==> what a surprise!!?? If I am not 100% sure where my hubby is now, I would think you are HIM!! haha...he loves legs too....he collects all those pics from webs

No la..I won't scream on mini-bus...my profession does not allow me to do so.......I scream only on bed...haha...

beer

ic..no gals thanks, if i need, i got one already lu, one more will be just too much.

me40too.

Before i go on talking, I hate your nick, so troublesome to type!!! Damn....

Remember life is too short for you to say; Ooops, I should have done that!! Now, give yourslef some room to think about that.

About your hubby, why dont you try to

(1) Dress up as if you were going out with someone important or some place for a function.

(2) Go home later than usual on purpose.

(3) Only answer him in short sentences.

(4) Refuse or give excuse to ignore his sex request.

Let him suspect and get worry, so u may be in a better bargaing position.

But, the above are just pretend act, dont do it with someone, else you will be sorry when something really did happen

me40too

glad to see your huour is back, keep up with it. Regardless what worries your hubby caused you, you are the one who can creat colors in your life; see you are the one who created this thread and you are the one who attracted us in to talk to ya.

me40too:

==> 我好明, 在我黎講...我都唔係要對方"忍"我, 我自問係一個好理性之人 (都叫讀過下書, 唔係一般屋村 C9 ar) 睇野亦可以好 open , 只係對方一直唔肯去面對個問題就真係好難搞....真係各有各煩惱~~~

我諗妳要清楚一樣事，並不是要對方忍妳，而是妳自已忍對方！對方一直不肯面對問題，原因就是面對問題就要解決問題，尤其是感情問題，這不是一般男人喜歡做的事！男人對於自已不利的事只會用無稜兩可的方法，目的就是將決定權交去妳手中！我相信妳都會明為什麼，可能我講得比較毋繼，但很多男人真的是這樣！做人理性是好事，但亦都很易鑽了牛角尖也不自知，或許做人感性些會比較快樂！

i luv legs too.

though i dont collect pics

40+,

how o r ur kids?

metoo40,

you kind of married late, isnt it?

any plan for kids?

40+

Hey...I am not the one to create this thread ar...just 搭訕 only....dare not start any conversations by myself...too many spys around me ga...

hey....did I miss some info...so you have one GF now? or so called SP...and you are fine with your current status then (I heard you said one is enough..??)

男人四十幾:

但亦都很易鑽了牛角尖也不自知，或許做人感性些會比較快樂！

==> 咁你係咪即係話, 一係就忍, 一係就走..only two choices?

beer:

ha....most men did (love legs), how about women lei? I love strong men...haha~~

metoo40,

how about finding a bf or office affairs, something like that. just to venture and test your own emotion limit.

beer:

kids ==> no la.....well..shall I state a bit clear here...we "married" in a way we live together as husband and wife

He once said he wanna marry me...before I know what he did at my back, I want to marry him, but now.....hesitated.

metoo40,

oic, in that case,

things shall be easier for you to work out la.

u need some time off from him, and give your 清春 another chance

me40too,你的想法和我一位朋友好近似．

==> 我一早已經係咁.....但就係因為我睇既野闊佢好多, 所以大家有好多野都唔同諗法...maybe 我係太 long term looking, 好多時我知有d野要做我都可以做到 (我識得多過佢添), 但我唔會因為我知個後果可以係好嚴重, 但對方唔係, 做左至算, 大家唔同步, 咁先難頂....

＞＞＞　每個人的人生路都是unique的．因為在乎佢揀點行．我個fd個老公都係活在當下的人．佢五張幾都依然月月清．呢頭話身體唔好．果頭晚晚蒲天光．可能世界上係有呢類人．佢地就活得開心．難委佢地身邊人．

==> 你依家咁點生活...are you living alone? 我有諗過想去識下d同我生活圈子好唔同既人..但又冇乜 channel ....又怕人認得 (好煩) 因為d 人識我唔識我一知我有 family 都會好"關心"咁問 "你老公冇陪你既?" or "你唔駛陪老公呀?" etc...攞命, 我鍾意講大話, 但又唔想答, 咁點...??

＞＞＞可能到我的age．d人都好識do．大家都唔唔會問背景．熟了之後就自動講．好似有一個佢成日話骨痛．係舊患．原來佢以為成日俾老公打．打到knee蓋碎左．頸骨歪左．

me40too.

wow...now the picture is clear.

You could be a hot chick when u were 20

You could be sexy and adorable when u were in ur 30s

When you are in your 40s , your charm could begin to die out.... Do think of your bargaing position. I am not saying marriage is a security but at least it made the man think twice.

beer

agree