四十歲

婚前卿卿我我,婚後(8年)妳有妳,我有我

me40too,

呵呵~~諗吓啫!!

蝦..如果突然間有日假你地會做咩呢 ??

38man,

由愛情變為感情之後, 點維持係一門學問亦係耐力賽.

仲要個心態, 身邊呢個人係你終身伴侶, 定只係合作伙伴??

四十果年．樣樣順境．以為自己一世都會咁幸福．四十後．開始見到世界黑暗同被動的一面．被動是金融風暴加上有親友離世．有些是仍年青．有意外有急病．黑暗是當女人四十遇上男人四十（老公去滾攪到個家幾乎散哂）．原來一切美好的背後是如此不滯．好無助．近五張了．心情又好不一樣．睇開了．活著就是美好．

身邊呢個人係你終身伴侶, 定只係合作伙伴,我都唔肯定,近這一年常常吵架,曾經想離婚,但冇勇氣

me40too

Oh..not the way u talked but ur nick ji ma.

We love to share your thoughts, why dont u start?

38man

all married lifes are like that, men and women likewise. I had been married for 16yrs and there are more downs then up!!

近五張,

人生總有高低~~起起落落, 能夠睇開真係唔係咁易...!!!

38man,

常常吵架?? 咩原因先....唔好少少野就諗到離婚喎, 試吓俾返d戀愛感覺大家丫 !! 兩個人可以識到, 相愛, 結婚已經唔易咖喇..唔好咁易放棄 !

almost 40

If I got one day off, I'd like to take a ride to countryside....better to have a chat friend, holding a cup of coke or what, then chatting for a while, maybe walking around....that's most comfortable to me. I enjoy going to somewhere where it is not crowded....

40+

Too messy to find a start....well....40.....just reflecting how could I face betrayal, for all these years someone you trust, and you contribute everything to keep the family nice and warm, but what he did at your back is really something horrible......that sounds like a bomb to me.....I do not trust people easily , but still, this time, I have to commit that I 跌眼鏡了...有d嬲自己....點解咁蠢信人啦....

近五張:

I think I can share your feeling quite a lot....你如何讓自己看得開...?? 我有試過, 但不成功....我常說: 要珍惜目前已擁有的, 但可惜我係咁諗, 人地唔係, 大家唔同步, 冇計~~

最近常常問自己, 我為乜唔開心, 為乜好似"做得就要做多d", 人人都以為我掂...但我個樣同能力得唔代表我願意去承受如斯大既壓力, 其實我唔介意做, 負壓, 只係想對方用番同樣既態度去回應而已, 可惜的是, 你為佢好, 為頭家, 佢卻用我完全不能接受既行為一次又一次咁刺傷你, then I start asking myself, why am I here doing all these nonsense ? Seems like I am an idiot here!

我只想得到認同 , get appreciation....isn't that so hard to find?

me40too

little same to me

我覺得過左20歲後d時間都係過得好快..... 好想搵d有意義既事做,唔想浪費光陰

38man:

Really? 都好...At least 我唔會覺得係我唔正常, 要求高...etc la....

有時我都問自己, 係唔係可以將把呎放低d...change my values a little bit.....但...問題係 (1) 點解要放低..因為問十個人十個都話我冇問題 (2) 好多野要雙向性關係先會有改善, e.g. 我放低少少行向佢個邊, then 對方又要改少少行番我呢邊..咁個大家先可以再行落去架嘛....

但.....依家我發現...I am always the one to stand back.....一次係咁, 兩次係咁....Stand back 都算, 而係見你冇問題, 又再 challenge 你再 bottom D 既 line...咁算點...?? 仲要講大話.....唉.....咁我究竟係咪一個傻人...??

全世界識我既都叫我放棄, 但好似 almost 40 講...可以的話, 我都想挽救, 畢竟大家係好有緣同唔易走埋一齊, 但...永遠單方面去做...isn't that too tired for me...?? Yes,...係好攰...真係好攰....所有重量都響自己樹....好 hurt....

唉....

睇到你地咁講, 對呢樣野無信心嘅我就更加無信心..

係咪每對都會咁嘅呢 ?? 你地有冇試過坐底傾吓, 又或者搵人幫手傾吓 ??

我都好認同為愛侶付出係好希望得到apprecation, 但偏偏男人係唔識咁做. 倒不如唔好對佢有期望就自然冇失望了.. 因為你既唔開心, 埋怨, 只男人黎講只係感到煩厭,唔想理你, 而你又會再唔開心, 惡性cycle又出現啦。

me40too

Yup, always bear with your other half is hard to bear. I tried to please my wife most of the time, yet when my mood is down and low, it could be pretty frustrating.

To give myself a peace of mind and room for myself, I pick fishing as my hobby. Not that I like to eat fish or anything like that, just a place where I can be alone in some quiet spot of my own choice

almost 40

Talk and keep talking is better than keep the mouth shut for sure and each acted separte ways but its unlikely to resolve the differences. It takes onself to discover his own fault rather than told that he/she was wrong

bee

Agree but does it mean that you tend to prefer the easy come easy go atitude? It might work in a relationship/affair but not marriage bor

almost 40:

May be you are the exception (I do wish others are happy ga)

傾下....唉...你想傾, 佢唔同你傾呢, 只係唯唯諾諾話唔會, 叫我信佢, 但.....人睇人係睇行為啦...right? 我都想信佢, 但佢個頭話唔會, 個頭做另一樣野, 咁我信我對眼定佢把口好呢...?? 問心...我唔係冇俾機會佢, 仲係唔止一次, 但....問題係佢既心魔, 牛唔飲水唔禁得牛頭低啦...so 我依家係好灰心.....但依家係佢人生最 down 既時候, 我又要先放低哂呢d野去 support 佢等佢過埋呢關....

then 我就問....我去 support 佢, 咁邊個去 support 我...???

揾人幫手....我連心理醫生都睇埋, 都係冇用....而且, 太 young 太幸福既人唔會明的 (真心的, 唔係揶揄)...因為冇一個 common ground 去 share....好難....

我試過坐底傾過,好了一陣子,又固態復盟,唉,我衹好低頭(因我冇勇氣離婚,要面對很多人和事),i do a yes man ,always say yes

40+

Great, I guess you share a bit how I feel here....I can understand your situation, cos I am just the opposite, I am the one to do everything for him....yet....he did nothing to respond to my effort...feel quite 意興闌珊 recently.

Fishing ==> good that you could find way out to balance your emotion. For me, it's poor that I dun have too many friends, nor any sports kind of hobbies (becos I dunno)....

anyway, be your wife is lucky, can I say so?

40+

我唔係抱持easy come easy go atitude, 只係我前排都心情好差, 成日都埋怨佢做得唔好, 然後自己就諗多左, 佢係咪已經唔想理我.. 但後來我又發現, 原來男人對係好唔細心架, 絕對唔可以用女性既角度去要求男人用同樣方法對待自己。如果咁諗只會令自己更加唔開心.. 當初你揀得佢, 就一定有佢既長處, 優點吸引你, 可必處處向佢短處埋怨呢..

信任係一段愛情裡面係放第一位, 冇左信任, 就算佢對你好好, 都會懷疑..

me40too

其實你都發現自己係冇乜朋友, 冇乜運動及冇乜特別興趣, 點解你都唔嘗試向呢方面入手呢? 其實識多d朋友, 傾多d偈, 做多d運動都可以將你為屋企唔開心既尊注力分散, 人開心d, 對住老公既表情自己歡容d, 大家話題又多d, 咁唔係好好咩?

me40too

those frds who knew my background said she is lucky but as far as whay my wife told me and how she acted, she is not half satisfied with how i behave.

Mind you. I am not proud to say but nor do i have the guilt to commit that i do have affairs with others from time to time. Am i a cheater? Yes. Am i bad? Yes. Why am I still doing it? I didn;t know why at the start but now i do, It a way to balance what i dont get from the marriage.

I see affair is a suppliment to a marriage, in order to keep my spirit up and bear with what insufficiencies i see in my wife.

Life is short, I am sure there are better women out there but in the course of finding her, if i can find one at the "right timing", i might be too Pissed out by sour relationships I have to go through in the process, so, why bother!!

心理醫生幫唔到, 不如試吓家庭社工, 催眠治療...會唔會幫到呢 ??

萬一真係要分開, 都搵出個真正原因丫, 係唔再愛 ? 定係相處唔到呢 ?

講真一段失敗嘅關係, 唔會只係因為一個人出錯 (經驗 + 個人認為啦!!)

搵出原因唔一定係要修補現有嘅關係, 但起碼可以改咗自己嘅壞處嘛 !!

bee80

I admire your thinking.

Its nice to set yourslef in his/her position and devote your effort without too much expectation on equal return.

In the past.....I guess I still do. On my wife's birthday, I will always make my own card/ make some handcraft for her as presents. Its not that I am cheap But i love to do things with heart. She did once apprecaite my effort but as the marriage grew old, her feeling of any excitment also begins to subside

metoo40

If it was your husband you were talking about, I sincerely hope you bear with him a little longer.

But, if he is just your bf, live in or not, then, kick him out of the door and let him think about it.

唔好成日覺得係自己忍緊對方既短點, 其實對方可能都一樣. 如果你唔識去包容對方, 同樣, 對方都唔會。點解唔嘗試諗下, 有機會去容忍他人都係幸福既一件事? 有幾多人而家仲係單身.. 想搵個人argue下都唔得...

bee80

Its easy for said than done, so there are time we have right too feel frustrated, feel being ...how to put it....."mistreated", right. We have also the right to turn black face to our love ones, as long as we do say "sorry" after our P off mood was over.

Hi All.

Late Good Morning!

How are you all?

bee80

That's why I tried to come up here and see if I can find somebody to talk to la..

40+

You read my mind, and I do wonder if you and my hubby are of the same type, haha... but I like your honesty.

You know what....what you did is exactly what I see from him....on one hand, he is an excellent hubby (care me a lot), but on the other hand, he will flirt around on MSN/emails dating girls with words like "I like to spread your leg wide", "I miss your blow job", and even go for camsex, dating his ex's..etc.... keep watching Cat IV web, collecting those pornographic photos of girls...

Somehow I have to say....being committed to a relationship should include respect, respect the feelings of the others, I dun mind him chatting with girls, but sorry, not erotic stuff, this is what most women (I guess men too? imagine if I am the wife and chatting with a man like this?) can't tolerate...yet he is betraying me for not only once....that drives me so frustrated....I dun think I am too unreasonable here by asking him NOT to do that, yet what he promised is not the same as what he did.

I will always make my own card/ make some handcraft for her as presents

==> I never have that luxury....your wife is somehow lucky la...

bear with him a little longer.

==> I am doing that now, but I just can't tell when I will get fed up (I have such feeling already a bit now). Endless bearing could be harmful.

40+, read a few of your previous posts. You saying your affairs outside were to complement those things your wife cant give you. Have you tried to resolve the problem instead of looking 'outside'? How could you expect anything from your wife when you betrayed her? No matter what kind of excuses you found for yourself, it's not right. No matter how many 'sorry' you said, it cant heal the harm you did.

古語有雲: 床頭打交床尾和, 就算點打法都會一齊長相思守, 白頭到老..

但點解現代既人咁容易就話要分手, 離婚..? 係咪睇得太兒嬉?

分手, 離婚 is the end result. Betrayal is the cause.

almost 40:

心理醫生幫唔到, 不如試吓家庭社工, 催眠治療...會唔會幫到呢 ??

==> 其實我係諗...要去見呢d人既 maybe it's him, not me...

佢既 value 係好 special (maybe all men are the same?) , ie....講下, 摸下, even cam sex 都冇問題, 只要唔上床就唔算對我唔住喇......or SP 之嘛...唔係 love, so 唔算對我唔住.....so I keep asking myself recently la...係...?? 唔通係我個 bottom line 有問題..??

e:

分手, 離婚 is the end result. Betrayal is the cause.

==> can't agree anymore with this.

I never want to give up, that's why I feel frustrated and hurt. But 係咪受得苦既人就要受多d 呢 (又係 back to the old question)...

我又諗起一句說話: 能者多勞, 但絕對唔係多勞多得.

假若你已盡力去付出, 而佢都係無動於終。

身為女性既我, 我會同你講一句: 為自己留返一點尊嚴!

bee80

Thanks for your advice ar..依家就係上黎睇下有冇人可以點化我啦...唉....

我成日唔甘心既係, 我點先可以令佢睇到佢既行為係有問題, 佢既諗法係相當自私既呢? 因為我知 if he can see this point, 佢就會願意 stop such behaviour, but it seems he still can't see...

為自己留返一點尊嚴!

==> 我就係想, 但.....好似你話齋, 心就係不忍不捨, 唔想就咁放棄, 我信"百世修來同船渡, 千世修來共枕眠"...但一次係咁, 兩次係咁 (真係好似d賭徒有舖瘾咁, 話唔賭又再賭個d) 真係有諗過走了, 但總想再俾機會佢....朋友都鬧我蠢的了..

我睇你既文字, 覺得你都係一個有知識既人, 我諗如果我係你朋友, 我都可能會叫你放棄...(講真, 你既bottom line冇問題, 比著我都忍唔倒) 但愛情就係咁奇妙, 可以令你能容人所不能容的事...

我想, 你嘗試出去識多d朋友, 有返自己既生活, 做自己覺得開心既事 .. 因為人生苦短, 唔好浪費自己時間去煩, 去諗唔開心既事..

同時, 你亦可以將你所新認識既事,人同佢分享, 用你既健康生活去改變佢既色情生活..

me40too,

佢既諗法係相當自私 very true. But that's him, or a lot of guys the same, his value affected by his family and his friends and the information he received everyday. Maybe you can show him this:

車震年半翻身無期

梁榮忠雙失落曬形

咁我覺得佢未必可以聯想到同自己有關喎,好似日日睇d死人新聞, 都唔及你身邊親人過身而令你覺得生命寶貴。

bee80

Thanks so much for your advice...多謝你話我有知識...嘻嘻....

You are woman?

我d朋友就係同你一樣....講...你又唔係冇錢, 又唔係經濟有問題, 要走話咁易, 又唔係 pork chop ar...etc...但呢d同佢係咁既人係兩回事, 我能力高低, 都唔應該係構成佢可以咁對我既原因喇...

你嘗試出去識多d朋友

==> 依家就係正在努力中

e:

Thanks....so I wonder if I should continue to wait for one day he will change la...

俾個d 佢睇冇用的, 唉~~~佢會好似 bee80 之前講....嫌我又"抽秤"佢, 話我煩架..又話我唔信佢...etc

bee80:

好似日日睇d死人新聞, 都唔及你身邊親人過身而令你覺得生命寶貴。

==> I once thought of leaving him, and then at that time he may find me important to me....

But after a second, immediately what I can think of is : maybe he will feel relaxed that I am not around, so that he can date any girls out without considering my feeling la...

me4too

我係一個26歲女子... 唔知會唔會影響你對我既睇法?? ^.^

你又唔係冇錢, 又唔係經濟有問題, 要走話咁易, 又唔係 pork chop ar...etc--> 令我聯想前幾日有位大學教師遇人不熟, 仲比人偷拍床上照 (當然你未到咁嚴重地步) 。但我會覺得, 你一直辛苦為自己建立好學識, 點解唔對自己好d

me40too

唔好有咁多假設性問題, 咁樣落去你只會越諗越壞 !

不停係同一件事上面轉, 係唔會轉出咩答案..

俾自己休息吓先啦, 擴大d 生活圈子, 識多d朋友..

係, 你諗得太多離開/一齊既問題..

請為自己建立返一個健康既生活, 暫時忘記煩惱... 唔係叫你忘記佢, 係忘記煩惱.. 返回自己自由自在既生活, 開心點,笑多點..

See I was away for a while and here i am back with some many valuable views posted.

Its fair for me to say that all views are right but just as well all views are wrong. Whats right from wrong when talking about love and care it all depends on the receipient.

Yes, I flirt, I am wrong, not only in any women or men's view but mine too. Am i sorry ? No! Why would that be? I don't have an answer for myself too.

Like someone said earlier, did i try to work the deficiencies out with my wife? Yup, sure i did at the earlier years but as the time pass by over the 16 odd years, I know her inside out and character is something one hard to adjust, habits maybe, not character I see it. I coul dgo on complaining on what she has done wrong or how she can please me better here but its not gonna do any good, cos she won't change to the way i wish for. Likewise, I doubt i can shape myslef to become what she dream of a Mr Right should be.

So..what's the conclusion I wish to draw for myself here? Well. I will say, continue to know that I am a bloody idiot while keeping myself "fairly" happy and should I get caught for doing what I have done, then, tough "poo poo " on me, even if this carries the consequneces of losing contact with my kids and have to be a poor old soul lives under a flyover somewhere for the remainder of my sobber life.

Being a bad character I am. Let me take a daring step to say why we men flirt behind our loved one's back.

(1) We thought we will not get caught.

(2) We thought that even when we do get caught, many sorry and sweet talks or "promises" could help us save from a broken marriage.

(3) In our dictionary, our act cannot damage the marriage, only the wife will.

(4) Most to all men would flirt one way or another, so what's the big deal.

(5) Worst come to worst, even if the wife ran away or pick a divorce, it would only mean that i shall have more room and privacy to continue with what i am already doing.

(6) Its not my fault, the bloody lady lured into this end.

See, none of the fault is ours (men's).

Sorry, male friends here, correct me or F me if i am wrong.

guess men cheat cos

the excitment,

cos it just happens,

and we dont think too much

wishful thinking that problem will not happen or go away

so what's your marriage status 40+?

married over 16yrs

with more than one kid

with more problems and complains about the marriage, family etc than i can count.

So beer

what r u ? Foster or Carlsberg? or perhaps Bluegirl?

i am VB

not separated yet?

I got married, not for long.

looking forward to facing all the headaches

beer

VB stands for..... Very Boring?? haha just kidding, if u r headache free, then its either your partner is taking it all or u r so lucky