A SERIOUS question. Should I contact her?



  • I am not looking for a sex partner or secret relationship, just wish to share my feelings and listen to some serious answers from anyone, male or female.  Thanks.



    I am a married man with a nice family and kids.  I was (am) deeply in love with a woman many years ago and I still cannot get her off my mind.  I haven't contacted her in years since I do not wish to mess up her life.  I know for sure we were deeply in love at the time and we both had strong feelings for each other.  Yet I have no idea of how she feels about me right now.  We separated because she thought I was not willing to commit to her and incapable of settling down.



    We did not end up together and I married another woman who is now my wife.



    Yesterday was her birthday and I sent her a text message wishing her happy birthday, which is something I have been doing the past few years.  I always thought of her, simply never thought it was appropriate to contact her in any way and even though we have bumped into each other for more than once, she tried to avoid me.  Hence, I never thought she wanted to hear from me again.



    I have been thinking about her day and night recently, should I call her or should I just leave things the way it is?



    I am deeply troubled and confused.  Could anyone please give me an honest answer?



  • Assume that you two can't forget each other and are still deeply in love, what can you do for her now?





    Leave your family and start a new life with her? You could have proposed earlier - at least before you marry your wife. You should have known she has been waiting for you.





    Ask her to be your secret lover? Well that's grossly unfair to her. You offered her nothing before and this is something worse.





    Just be friends? Honestly I think this is quite impossible given that you've been thinking about her days and nights. It's likely that you would step up and ask for more. Then you end up messing one's life.





    Anyway, my advice would be to call her and see how she's been doing. But please please please think twice about all the consequences. You've made two mistakes in your life - leaving her, and marrying your wife, don't make it a row.



  • Leave her alone, u did not pick her at the first place.





    Leave urself alone, u got a family, responsibility now.





    Peace.



  • first of all, think about this. why do you think you could mess up her life now? are you really that good a lover for her? who do you think you are?





    so just call her if you really want to and see what her response is. you'll probably get rejected. it's too soon to predict any further outcome based on your own thoughts and feelings.



  • the point is, u might not only RUIN her, and YOUR own family too.


    Just a few minutes of happiness and ruin the future of your life.





    It is not something you could "just do it".


    It is something you should re-think and re-think.





    You will ruin your child, your own image too.





    THINK right.



  • Dear 1992,





    Very interesting.... I was shocked that I nearly having the same story as you. But, I am still struggling to further step up and doing a more proactive way... See if we can chat and exchange more....





    p.s I am a mature man....



  • let her go and let it passed



  • Dear 1992,





    Very interesting.... I was shocked that I nearly having the same story as you. But, I am still struggling to further step up and doing a more proactive way... See if we can chat and exchange more....





    p.s I am a mature man....



  • 1992,


    FORGET HER and LOVE your family more., don't be a greedy and cheap man.



  • OL replied at 2010-04-23 1:09 pm


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    1992,


    FORGET HER and LOVE your family more., don't be a greedy and cheap man.


    =================================================================


    I am a mature man with two "hearts"... but I am not greedy and cheap.... Keep yourself have the feeling of "in love" is very important to be young....



  • I am a married woman who had a secret lover. I stopped the relationship months ago, it was not that I got too much of him or stop liking him but would rather see him spending time to find his life long partner and being taken good care of, as he is stepping into his forties.





    What I would say to 1992, leave things there. If she loves you, she would be glad to see your having a happy family and not hopping around. If she forgets you, there is no point of doing anything.



  • 7086 replied at 2010-04-23 4:11 pm


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    I am a married woman who had a secret lover. I stopped the relationship months ago, it was not that I got too much of him or stop liking him but would rather see him spending time to find his life long partner and being taken good care of, as he is stepping into his forties.





    What I would say to 1992, leave things there. If she loves you, she would be glad to see your having a happy family and not hopping around. If she forgets you, there is no point of doing anything.


    =================================================================


    White Ross?



  • I rather he takes me away from my family, but he choose to be escaped and stepping back away



  • beauty replied at 2010-04-23 5:13 pm


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    I rather he takes me away from my family, but he choose to be escaped and stepping back away


    =================================================================


    Hi Beauty, what is your story?



  • I appreciate your response. Thank you.



  • 打唔打比佢係後話, 問吓自己想D(關係)咩先?



  • 我覺得,你結左婚,就算啦


    人地個心依家都未必有你


    而且你一路掛住佢,都係因為你擁有佢既美好回憶


    但實情係咪咁呢?


    可能你當時一直同佢一齊,你地已經散左唔會再掛住佢



  • 當你清楚自己之後, 打唔打...你應該會知點做(maybe)





    係人都貪心(財經陸叔今日先再講過), 當然我唔係講錢啦, 我都係其中一個, 在感情事上我覺得無對與錯, 只有愛/唔愛, 愛一個人要識得分層次/輕重, 可以做D咩, 可以附出D咩, 可以承受咩...


    今日我同佢係好朋友, 而我亦仍然愛佢, 當然佢都仲愛我, 就係因為當年我決定打了一個電話....





    p.s. I am a married man too



  • Mr. RED replied at 2010-04-23 8:13 pm


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    當你清楚自己之後, 打唔打...你應該會知點做(maybe)





    係人都貪心(財經陸叔今日先再講過), 當然我唔係講錢啦, 我都係其中一個, 在感情事上我覺得無對與錯, 只有愛/唔愛, 愛一個人要識得分層次/輕重, 可以做D咩, 可以附出D咩, 可以承受咩...


    今日我同佢係好朋友, 而我亦仍然愛佢, 當然佢都仲愛我, 就係因為當年我決定打了一個電話....





    p.s. I am a married man too


    =================================================================


    Nice to see you Mr. RED.



  • leave her alone.





    If she's yours, she will be yours anyway.





    haha!



  • "If she's yours, she will be yours anyway"





    Well said.





    Sometimes I hate how fate treats us. If you are not destined to be someone, why offer the opportunity for us to meet? Why offer the opportunity for us to fall for each other? and Why offer the opportunity for us to split?





    I met her in the summer of 1992 in Hong Kong and was fond of her from the moment I saw her but she was not interested in me at all. Bumped into her again in 1994 on the streets overseas where we both were doing out studies and had a brief moment of "hi and bye". I saw her at the bus stop across her home in 2000 but was too shy to say hello. Years later, on a totally unexpected occasion in December 2002, I met her again through common friends in Hong Kong and I knew I was deeply in love and had unspeakable passion for her, and this time...the feeling was certainly mutual...the rest was history.





    Later on I had a messy private life and we failed to be together and all her friends hated me for what I've done to her.





    And I hated myself as well.





    Bumped into her once in MTR and in Macau and she simply tried to ignore me, I know I deserve it but it really hurts.





    I kept a lot of things about our past together, even the ticket stubs to Ocean Park. Although it was an on and off relationship and a brief one, we had the most lovely and romantic times which I cherish till this day.





    I love her till this moment and hope she has found her true love and happiness.





    I know this doesn't do justice to my family and is utterly unfair to my wife, so I have decided to simply drop my thoughts here and leave her alone and this issue behind me...if I can.





    I miss you...so much...so much...Kxxxx.



  • 1992.......2002....





    anything in 2012?



  • 1992 replied at 2010-04-24 10:00 am


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    "If she's yours, she will be yours anyway"





    Well said.





    Sometimes I hate how fate treats us. If you are not destined to be someone, why offer the opportunity for us to meet? Why offer the opportunity for us to fall for each other? and Why offer the opportunity for us to split?





    =================================================================





    有緣無份!



  • 原來如此, 算啦 ! 留住份愛在心中....激情捉係手�堶�...會化為灰燼...反而藏係心底...可以歷久常新...





    Hope u know chinese








    今日你同我天各一方





    你有你既生活 我繼續我既忙碌





    但假如有一日我地真係0係路上面偶然咁撞倒





    我地會點下頭 問候一下





    然後已經唔知講乜野好





    因為你會發現我已經改變





    正如我可能唔再認識你





    但係咁其實又有乜野關係呢





    我袛係知道 係呢一剎那 我係想念你











    誰令我能情深一片 令我輕柔如水清澈





    令我心靈回復恬靜 令我拋棄內心牽掛





    重拾往年純潔美夢 讓我心靈重得安慰





    讓我安躺月下











    (讀白)





    其實 乜野先至係真實而�琱[既呢





    或者我應該就咁保存住呢一份渴望希冀





    俾我相信世上有一幸福





    垂手可得 又永遠係掌握之外





    有時 激情捉係手�堶情@會化為灰燼





    反而藏係心底 可以歷久常新





    貪求思幕只因痴 一切眼淚 思憶都係徒然 .....





    Have a Good Day







  • It seems it was just a crush on your own side



  • It wasnt a love story at all. You should be more focus and treasure what you have currently.



  • One mistake could ruin everything.



  • yes, a false move kills



  • I picked up the phone, dialed the number and hung up right before she picked up....I feel so stupid but my thoughts for her is driving me insane





    what can I do to ease the pain?



  • no matter who you picked, your wife or ur ex, you would still struggle with this. 





    最愛是誰







    歌手:林子祥 作曲: 填詞:潘源良 編曲:

    在世間尋覓愛侶



    尋獲了但求共聚



    然而共處半生都過去



    我偏偏又後悔



    別了他原為了你



    留住了愛亦留住了罪



    誰料伴你的心今已碎



    卻有他在夢裡



    為何離別了 卻願再相隨



    為何能共對 又平淡似水



    問如何下去 為何猜不對



    何謂愛 其實最愛只有誰



    任每天如霧過去



    沉默裡任寒風吹



    誰人是我一生中最愛



    答案可是絕對



    為何離別了 卻願再相隨



    為何能共對 又平淡似水



    問如何下去 為何猜不對



    何謂愛



    誰讓我找到愛的證據





  • No, don't do it.





    Do not call her.





    Once you cross the Brigdes of Madison County, you're in no man land and what follow sure are disasters.



  • 或許小弟如版主一樣深情.....我愛過的人.....總覺欠她們一些甚麼.....若割一片肉可以還她.....減輕我的罪及自責......我絕對願意.....



  • Late night, I am here again because I have been thinking about you and perhaps I would like to maintain this thread and keep it live so it would not be deleted. I am not fond of writing a diary but perfer to put down my thoughts when they occur, I shall use this thread as a recording device, for my thoughts....



  • 過去左


    為甚麼又添加痛苦


    當然唔好啦版主



  • interesting story



  • Wonder123 replied at 2010-08-23 1:57 am


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    interesting story


    =================================================================


    Just read this thread, well this is natural for any man, I am a man, we all treasure additional love beyond our family.





    This is a biological DNA in male organism, if you reallized that it is natural to have feelings with someone besides the one at home, you will be more easier to tell yourself to settle your feelings towards her.





    Because, she could be anyone else, if fate didn't deliver this one to you, I am sure there will be others to make you feel a butterfly in your stomach too.





    So, just tell yourself this is your secret chapters, and so be it. Continue to be a secret one.





    Cheers.



  • men all alike replied at 2010-08-23 2:21 am


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    Wonder123 replied at 2010-08-23 1:57 am


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    interesting story


    =================================================================


    Just read this thread, well this is natural for any man, I am a man, we all treasure additional love beyond our family.





    This is a biological DNA in male organism, if you reallized that it is natural to have feelings with someone besides the one at home, you will be more easier to tell yourself to settle your feelings towards her.





    Because, she could be anyone else, if fate didn't deliver this one to you, I am sure there will be others to make you feel a butterfly in your stomach too.





    So, just tell yourself this is your secret chapters, and so be it. Continue to be a secret one.





    Cheers.


    =================================================================


    Because there are always a secret chapter in all mankind. Don't blow your life away, since there will be another secret chapter for you if you go after this one.



  • 5555555555555555



  • We bumped into each other again last month on a Sunday morning in Central.





    I was holding my kid and saw someone strolled in the entrance and she turned sideways whilst walking by me, wearing a cap with her head down.





    She caught my immediate attention as I watched her rushed towards the elevator.





    I ventured to text her a while later with only a few words, "Was that you just now?" and to my surprise she replied with a short line saying congrats.





    It took me a while to hold myself together, the feeling was miserable, there was so much I wanted to say to her yet it was inappropriate.





    I kept thinking about this for weeks and I could not help myself but record it this morning, this is awfully painful.



  • You looked inside my fantasies and made each one come true


    Something no one else has ever found a way to do


    I kept the memories one by one since you took me in


    And I know I'll never love this way again





    I know I'll never love this way again


    So I keep holding on before the good is gone


    I know I'll never love this way again


    Hold on





    A fool will lose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday


    I won't turn my head in sorrow if you should go away


    I'll stand here and remember just how good it's been


    I know I'll never love this way again







  • 後來 我總算學會了 如何去愛


    可惜你 早已遠去 消失在人海


    後來 終於在眼淚中明白


    有些人 一旦錯過就不再





    梔子花 白花瓣 落在我藍色百褶裙上


    愛你 你輕聲說


    我低下頭 聞見一陣芬芳


    那個永恆的夜晚 十七歲仲夏


    你吻我的那個夜晚


    讓我往後的時光 每當有感嘆


    總想起 當天的星光





    那時候的愛情 為什麼就能那樣簡單


    而又是為什麼 人年少時


    一定要讓深愛的人受傷


    在這相似的深夜裡 你是否一樣


    也在靜靜追悔感傷


    如果當時我們能 不那麼倔強


    現在也 不那麼遺憾





    你都如何回憶我 帶著笑或是很沉默


    這些年來 有沒有人能讓你不寂寞





    永遠不會再重來


    有一個男孩 愛著那個女孩



  • 1992





    You're just childish and selfish, nothing more and nothing less.







  • im back here again. it will be her birthday about a month from now. and we would have known each other for 21 years. im sitting here alone tonight drinking & thinking about her again....I watched her wakeboarding video on youtube many many times...looking at her picture on whatapp. thinking where she might be and what she might be doing now...



  • //We separated because she thought I was not willing to commit to her and incapable of settling down. We did not end up together and I married another woman who is now my wife.





    You do not love her. You just love your feeling only. You are simply selfish.



  • A SERIOUS answer.





    Do not do anything to hurt other people anymore. Stop your own selfish fantasy



  • Do you love your wife and kids? Can you bear seeing them hurt?


    You must ask yourself what's most important to you.



  • 其實選擇唔係你處, 而係女方。如果佢要有結果既關係又唔願做壞女人, 你就放過佢俾佢走。畢竟女人青春有限, 見唔到出路就會選擇放棄。





    當然你可以選擇拋妻棄子, 但唔代表佢會接受你。如果我係女人, 可能會諗, 同樣既報應可能遲早會輪到自己。





    另外, 如果你有能力既話你可以作選擇, 包起佢, 用金錢去彌補佢對你既付出。而你亦要想辨法令自己可以分身去滿足兩個女人, 想遠啲, 條路唔易行...





    嗯...還有一種未知可唔可行,就係無條件去關心去愛佢。要控制到自己思念之痛, 用單純既愛去對待佢...唔易做到。





    所以算吧啦,專心自己既生活, 由女方去選擇吧!!!







  • 女方主場 replied at 2013-03-22 10:28 am


    ---------------------------------------------------------------


    其實選擇唔係你處, 而係女方。如果佢要有結果既關係又唔願做壞女人, 你就放過佢俾佢走。畢竟女人青春有限, 見唔到出路就會選擇放棄。





    當然你可以選擇拋妻棄子, 但唔代表佢會接受你。如果我係女人, 可能會諗, 同樣既報應可能遲早會輪到自己。





    另外, 如果你有能力既話你可以作選擇, 包起佢, 用金錢去彌補佢對你既付出。而你亦要想辨法令自己可以分身去滿足兩個女人, 想遠啲, 條路唔易行...





    嗯...還有一種未知可唔可行,就係無條件去關心去愛佢。要控制到自己思念之痛, 用單純既愛去對待佢...唔易做到。





    所以算吧啦,專心自己既生活, 由女方去選擇吧!!!





    ===============================================================


    agree



  • I really hope that your wife will do the same to you!!



  • I had the similar situation few years ago.


    I secretly love her many years and we are really gd fds.


    She was not happy with her bf at that time. I always think if time could reverse I would together with her.


    Struggle for many years on this issue and always dreams of her and the heart was up and down.





    Finally, I asked her if we could start a secret relationship. We were happied for a few months. Then we seperated. She could not accept herself as a woman who could destroy other family. End up after the breakup we tried to avoid meeting each others.





    1992 this is a middle age crisis. At the middle age, we always think our life is running out and want to pick up some treasure moment. The woman you love in the past.





    The decision is yours but what u want from her? What you want to talk to her? Ask her be your secret lover? Or keep a friendship and gd memories for your life.



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