i don't know whether i should keep the relationship...
if a man claimed he has divorced, but one day you found him actually keeps a good relationship with his ex-wife, will you still go alone with this men?
I think you should communicate with your man. Let's see where he stand at the relationship with his ex-wife. Having divorce from each other not necessary becoming enemy nowadays. Remaining friendly doesn't necessary they are still in love. This is call "good terms". Especially if they have children together. Remain in harmonized relationship mean good for their kids.
There is a lot of baggage for a man had previous relationship nonetheless having children. But the key is to talk with your man to see if he wants to have a long term relationship with you and where he wants to take you.
Because a divorced man might have different life goal, many of them may not be ready to jump to another commitment. In that case, that's not your fault. Talk and communicate with him to see if both of your life goal might be the same.
Thanks for your message.
He doesn't had children with his ex-wife. What I mean regarding his "good" relationship is they go for a trip to Japan together just early this year. I feel like being cheated and it does really hurt me, and hurt me so badly... I don't really want him to be my life partner, but nor do I want to be cheated. Every time when I thought of their happy moments, my heart feels like being torn apart and I thought how stupid I was for the past time...
Well, I feel for you. Remaining in good terms is one thing. But going to a trip together is totally out of place for a divorced couple.
If he is in a relationship with you, that means you and him are a team. Not he and his ex-wife. When the Japan trip was made, were you and him in a relationship already? Or you come in later after their trip?
I'm already with him at that time, that's what makes me so mad now... I just know this terrible fact recently...
If you don't consider him as your life partner, why bother wasting your time on someone like him? You will never forget about this Japan trip, he's not even good enough for a semi-serious relationship.
Dont think too much, if u still love him, just continous
From what you told here, 1)he went on a trip early this year with his ex-wife while you and him were together. 2) You just found out recently.
You said it right, you have been cheated. Either that was his ex-wife or another woman, it doesn't matter. No woman should be in the picture at all. If he wanted to reunited with his wife, he shouldn't take you as his girlfriend. Unless he is not serious about you.
It is a hurtful feeling. Being cheated is like a betrayal. Someone you trusted is pulling a deceitful trick on you.
Have you talked to him about it? Is he feeling sorry or there are excuse coming out from him? If he realized his wrong doing and realized he hurt you, he shouldn't get so close with his ex-wife again. And you may give him another chance.
I don't think he's gonna leave his ex-wife. We've talked about this and he confessed that they kept calling each other every day.
Whether they are just pure friends or they still have feeling together. It is going to be hard for you to see them having good time. Even though you don't see it in your own eyes, but feeling they are having "something" is hurtful.
Can you bear this kind of feeling that they are up for something? Unless you and him had set a ground rule (in your case, sounds like he enjoys calling his wife and i don't think he wants to change that); other than that, the feeling of being cheated is inevitable.
Give or take, people usually pair the ex-husband and ex-wife as a team. Even you are his legitimate girlfriend. If they are getting back together, they will be more accepted as a pair. Then you become his nobody.
It is your call to make. Unless he promise you something and he acted on his promise. Otherwise, it is totally your call to continue in this kind of 3-some relationship.
I truely thank for all the replies.
Saying leave is easy, but it's always hard when put into action. What makes it so hard is he treats me very well and takes care of me most of the time (I was living with him for the past 2 months - and unfortunately this period permits me to find out "something" about him). He once asked me "Do you feel you act like my partner more than "she" does?" because I lived with him for the past 2 whole months, we really like couple. This confuses me...
It is a sad thing. On one hand, you love him. But on the other hand, his comfort zone with his ex-wife disguises you.
You have every right to be confused. He, of course, wants to take all things in the world: having a girlfriend while remain a good realtionship with his ex.
But the truth is, he and his ex-wife over-harmonized friendship is a bomb to yours.
There is going to be hurtful either way: you will be hurt to break up with him; or you will be hurt to see him and his ex-wife getting super cozy with each other.
Hope you make the right decision. Coming to She.com and blow water is a good way to let out the feeling.
Yeah, Miss Sweetie,
Being an adult, I know very well what I want and what I should do (or would do would be a better word). Letting out the pressure is a real need for me and hearing all your excellent and comforting message heals me up a great deal. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart!! ^_^
a7501, we've been together for nearly one and a half year and he treats me as well as the first day he met me... I'd hope him told me on the first day and I chose to be with him rather than discovering it on my own... ...
when i first read your thread, i thought i post this thread...
i just got out from a situation somewhat similar to yours...
all i can say is....i was in hell at that time...
now i think back.... it was really torturing...
and i understand every word of you said...
how u feel about your heart feel like torn apart.. i undersand..
if u have time, u could go take a look and u'll see what've been through...
there are quite a lot replies in my msg
but you could just read my reply only...
and you'll see....my situation is very similar to yours...
Thanks for your sharing. I'd started my "soul enhancement therapy" just now. I just went downstairs and bought a ticket for "Tuesdays with Morrie" and registered for a chocolate class @ GODIVA ^_^. I think the best thing for me to do is to keep myself to be a lovable and sweet lady rather than mourning with bad mood all the time. There are a lot of things worth doing after all, not necessarily devoting all my efforts in the tormenting situation...
Good for you, Miss Lost!
That's the attitude.